Posts Tagged ‘fox news’
i’ll take that award now, Nobel Foundation »
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009
Some of you may think (rightly) that I don’t deserve a Nobel Prize. Your reasons may include, but are by no means limited to, my only completing an Undergrad, not having any expertise (in much of anything) or my unique ability to offend with a passing comment.
Not exactly a prime candidate for such a “prestigious” award, I’m aware. Still, their standards can’t be that high. I wouldn’t aim for anything worthwhile, like Physics or (for the good of all mankind) Literature. Instead, I set my sights on Economics.
Whoa, you’re thinking. Money? Financial theory? He’s kidding right? He can barely count. I am not. (Kidding, that is. You’re spot on with the counting.) In defense, I give an example of one recipient proving I’m just as qualified.
Milton Friedman, you say? Sure, an obvious target because his thoughts on perpetual consumption drove Reaganism, multiple nation-state failures and ignored any glaring issues (rampant unemployment, catastrophic inequality, unsustainable models, etc.).
Too easy.
My exhibit A (though, it’s the only exhibit, so I don’t know why I named it) is Mr. Robert M. Solow. For those unfamiliar, he was awarded a Nobel Prize in 1987 for magic and is (or was; not sure) a professor of wizardry at MIT.
How did he get a Nobel Prize and the subsequent funds in economics then, if he’s a less-fake Dumbledore? Your guess is as good as mine.
In theory, it’s because he helped solidify Economic Growth Theory (notice the redundant “theory” usage; told you I’m not aiming for the Literature prize). Here’s where I’m just as qualified, if not more so.
The theory only uses capital and labor as inputs for dozens of “calculations” that prove our economic growth is sustainable. This, to a Fox News devotee, is common knowledge. Which is the main problem.
Let’s take something as simple as a car. Dumbl— err, Solow claims to make that car you’ll only need tools, cars and a little know-how. That’s it. See where I’m going with this?
Yeah… so by sheer force of will (magic), he manifests recyclable resources like steel and glass and other barely reusables (like tires, plastics, fiberglass, etc.). Then, he forgets those in his “equations.”
What does that mean and why do I deserve a medal and related financial windfall? Not only is resource depletion ignored completely, but waste and pollution creation are non-factors. I can create a theory in 10 minutes that factors out entire mountains of common-sense and I want recognition for that.
Photo courtesy Google Images
4.1: when dorks come to play »
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
If you’re connected to the interwebs (via USB, dial-up or bio-microchip), you’ve likely seen the geektastic offerings for this first of April. I could do the same, but that it’s snowing is joke enough for me.
Instead, here’s a rundown of a few choice celebratory items:
- Google puts Gmail on autopilot
For some reason the dorks at Goog go nuts for 4.1 and this is no different. It comes with entertaining copy and is a funny idea. The bit under “match your personal style” is top notch. (Bravo Goog-ites.) - Woot makes a vague statement about consumerism (maybe)
I like the idea of this more than I like it. (If you no what I mean.*) - And then they fail miserably with CADIE
What in the hell are you thinking? I couldn’t tell you because I can’t make it two paragraphs in without my neurons collapsing at the side of the track vomiting blood. - Identi.ca acquires Twitter
In a too-many-won’t-care move, Control Yourself reports their micro-blogging platform has purchased Twitter. The quote from “unnamed exec” at the end is priceless. (Literally?) - Reddit looks like Digg
And the three of you laugh… and laugh… and laugh… - “It’s like Flickr but for your nose.”
For those that double over in laughter at the dorkness of irony or over-the-top boring, this is for you. The fragrances and “icons” shown are obscure to 98% of the population. (The joke of the frangrance/icon combonations make that about 99.27%.) - Kodak releases eyeCamera 4.1
Kodak still makes cameras? - Flights to Mars from Expedia
The idea is… ish but the math is hilarious. Parts of the rest of the copy are entertaining too. (More than I can say for CADIE, that bastard panda.) - Finally a search engine built exclusively for Fox News anchors and viewers
“Tired of being inundated with the contradictory and offensive beliefs of others? Today, the scientists at Yahoo! are releasing a groundbreaking new search filter…” (Priceless.) - Top Gear comes to Hulu
This one is so close to my heart it actually feels like a vice grip on my aorta. (Lift my spirits and then crush them like so many PBR cans.)
There are many more examples of nerds making barely-known references to arcane at TechCrunch. (They’re updating their list as more come in, unlike me.) Enjoy.
* You don’t. Because it doesn’t make any sense.
manufacturing a source »
Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
It’s not surprising Fox News tweaks about something related to Barack Obama. It is slightly surprising to see them completely decompose their minuscule credibility so easily. Let me explain (sort of).
It all starts with a moron at World Net Daily (like that e-zine your dad subscribed to that told him Osama Bin Laden worked for the CIA) named Aaron Klein. His article (Wikipedia scrubs Obama eligibility) claims Wikipedia is actively wiping references to Obama’s past.
Fox News ran with it and it’ll likely be a full-fledged controversy among the Rights before Limbaugh pops his first pill tomorrow. I’m all for after-the-fact barely-doubts coming to light. Unfortunately, they seem to miss certain issues (that Wired takes note of).
The statement that banned Jerusalem21 (casting “doubt” on Obama being born in America) is only fact if you have an affinity toward racism, haven’t found time for your GED and/or are Sean Hannity. Jerusalem21 has made contributions to exactly two pages: Obama’s and Klein’s, which s/he created (following me here?).
Probably what happened:
- Erroneous Klein goes crazy, adding his own Wikipedia page and keeping it up to date.
- He’s suspended for putting gossip onto Obama’s page.
- He writes about it on a fringe website.
- Fox News picks it up as fact and is outraged. (Much like a three-year-old that doesn’t understand why he has to leave the zoo at closing time.)
That, boys and girls, is journalism at its finest. (Seriously. This is probably the best Fox News can do.) In any case, Erroneous Klein makes Randall Stross look like Walter Cronkite.
The Telegraph has more, ignoring Jerus— err, Aaron Klein’s credibility issues.