Do you hear the trumpets? If you were reading this on an i[Tab] you’d hear trumpets…
So the nominations are in and, like ‘07, ‘08 and ‘09, I’m here to throw in my four cents. As always, I’ve listed my favorite and the likely winner. These are usually different because I don’t have any vested interest in terrible movies making money from year to year, like some people who will remain nameless (because I don’t know their names).
I’ve even thrown in some underdogs to justify my drinking during the show on March 7th. You can see all the nominees listed at IMDB.
Best Animated Feature:
My pick: Coraline
Winner: Up
I liked Coraline because the story and animation were more intriguing (scary as all hell, awesome). That won’t matter.
Best Achievement in Visual Effects:
My pick: Avatar
Winner: Avatar
Every single one of these smaller, technical awards that Avatar is up for will bring home a statue for them. It’s a technical marvel. If only they would stop there…
Best Documentary Feature:
My pick: Food, Inc.
Winner: Food, Inc.
With the caveat that it’s the only one I’ve seen, it’s also the only one that made money. This is a big deal for an industry trying to look deep with no interest in being deep. It’s a great film in its own right but making a little scratch never hurts your chances in this category.
Best Foreign Language Film:
My pick: Das weisse Band
Winner: Das weisse Band
Underdog: Un prophète
Again, this is the only one I’ve seen in this category but with all the buzz, it’ll take the statue. And it should (despite many misunderstanding it as a commentary on the social climate that bore Nazism). But maybe the voters will misunderstand Un prophète as “profit” and throw their votes that way.
Best Achievement in Editing:
My pick: Avatar
Winner: Avatar
Because… uh… it’s Avatar?
Best Achievement in Cinematography:
My pick: Das weisse Band
Winner: Avatar
Underdog: Inglourious Basterds
Guys, black and white is soo classy, right? (It’s like when there were movies before iPods or the eighties.) That and I don’t want Avatar to take all these damn statues. It’s blatent theft.
Best Screenplay based on Previous Material:
My pick: Up in the Air
Winner: Up in the Air
Sorry, all, but this one’s too easy. District 9 is great if you’re into sci-fi but most aren’t (which is a fact fans of sci-fi love to forget). Up in the Air is adorable to the point the word is sort of obnoxious and it still worth watching. That’s nearly impossible and deserves some kudos.
Best Original Screenplay:
My pick: Inglourious Basterds
Winner: The Hurt Locker
Underdog: Up
Inglorious Basterds has no chance at any others, unfortunately. This fact alone should get Tarantino the win but it doesn’t matter because, if the Academy decides to go with Avatar as the Big Winner, Hurt Locker may get the sympathy win here. Also, I liked Up. What of it? (That opening sequence was understated, powerful and made my tiny heart sob.)
Best Achievement in Directing:
My pick: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
Winner: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
Underdog: Quentin Tarantino (Inglorious Basterds)
She has the critics on her side, why bet on anyone else? Avatar was a total tech-gasm but purely on merit, James Cameron just doesn’t get close. He has no nuance or scope and hasn’t directed anything worth watching since 1991. Really, I just hope Tarantino pulls this one out, which would be very… uh… Tarantino? (Except for all the death.)
Best Performance by an Actress, Supporting:
My pick: Mo’Nique (Precious)
Winner: Mo’Nique (Precious)
Underdog: Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Mo’Nique has this and has since the first day she strapped on a bandana and nom-nommed her first chicken wing. That said, Kendrick is a huge part of that obnoxious adorable mentioned earlier. A win here could break her free of the excrutiating hell that is the Twilight series. We here at the Chasm wish her luck.
Best Performance by an Actor, Supporting:
My pick: Christoph Waltz (Inglorious Basterds)
Winner: Matt Damon (Invictus)
HaHA! Okay, I’m just having fun here. Who the hell gives two shirts about that movie? Rugby? South Africa after Hotel Rwanda? Yawn.
When he puts that glass of milk to his lips… just so… #boom! Oscar. Had this been any other year, Woody Harrelson would have easily taken the prize.
Best Performance by an Actress, Leading:
My pick: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Winner: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Dear readers, it hurts. The pain of putting Bullock’s name in “ink” is that of a thousand paper cuts. If the paper were on fire. But she’s the only one on this list. Meryl Streep is Meryl Streep and she did a great impression of Ms. Child, I guess. Just not enough to combat the feel-good, sassy-shorts Sandra who came at it with big-haired guns blaring.
Best Performance by an Actor:
My pick: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Favorite: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Underdog: Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker)
Morgan Freeman’s impression of Nelson Mendela is great and all, but, like Streep, he doesn’t have a chance. Renner, though, put in a haunted performance and could have won… if it weren’t for Bridges having this one in the bag. It appears those that vote are behind him 110%.
Best Motion Picture:
My pick: The Hurt Locker
Favorite: Avatar
Underdog: Inglourious Basterds
I wish I could say Hurt Locker, the far better movie, takes home the statue. Unfortunately, bedazzled by the money and effects, Avatar will probably take it. Like Pedobear would were he to have the chance.
Also, this blatant ploy to get a bigger audience involved is desperate and horrifying. The Blind Side? That wasn’t even the best family film of the year, much less the best overall. If movies weren’t already dead I’d say nominating ten movies for the Best Picture would kill them. (Here’s a great article about how Hurt Locker winning could change things quite a bit.)
Photo courtesy About.com
Brandy (the liquor). Somehow, this delicious distilled wine has (for reasons I can’t figure) been given a bad name. As the least possible qualified, I feel I should defend this fantastic fermented marvel.
While I was watching the Packers