It’s the best recreational bicycle city but it’s mediocre for commuters. The mass transit needs vast improvement and outside of the dense center (downtown, uptown), biking with drivers is dangerous.

The light rail should be an icon of a shift to shared transit and green commutes.  It’s a symbol of shared mobility and clean travel.

Obviously, budgets are tight and priorities must be made. I’d rather you put the money toward education and community improvement (which you’re not).

Still, Minneapolis screams from pulpits as often as allowed. “Our policies strive to be green, fiscally responsible and progressive!” (Local politicians whimper, “we’re Portland!”)

These cries are starting to fall on deaf ears. The ride from the empty downtown to the shrine to thoughtless consumerism is the fruit of their lack of labor.

After Target Field, the ride slinks away from aesthetically attractive. Bright points like the Central Library, Minnehaha Park and the Martin Olav Sabo Bridge are diluted with concrete facades, parking lots and freeways.

The Bedlam sits at an unpopular stop. It’s local and vocal. It shows signs of life in a corridor that’s largely a roofless tunnel from an empty downtown to a sad shrine of consumerism.

LRT’s route is fixed, set for political ease. Now the city has to grow around it, making it a true icon of a growing metropolis.

Instead, the Bedlam will be a parking lot.

Note: There’s inappropriate language within. I’m sort of annoyed. This never happens.

The fuck? (A video of Chicago police holding down [assaulting?] a man after he photographed another incident of excessive force.)

Dear cops: We’ve had encounters in varying forms and I know most of you are just “doing your jobs” but this sort of thing is abhorrent (sorry… it means, basically, “shitty”).

Yes, there’s probably a context to this explaining the four of you (two of you are noticeably overweight, by the way; don’t you have fitness tests?) taking this guy down and repeatedly spraying him while his cheeks are against the asphalt.

Like… he was taking pictures of you boys being assholes and you’re assholes, or something. Maybe he called you assholes? You’ll get back to me on details.

You perpetuate your own sophomoric, militaristic stereotypes with your actions and need to ease up on the idiot.

Wait… sorry again. Remember what Peter Parker’s uncle said? “With great power comes great responsibility.” So I guess what I’m saying is, mace responsibly and maybe hop on a bike every once in awhile so you can fit in smaller kevlar.

Rapid update: this is awesome. (Sarcasm, cops. Sarcasm.)

Second Note: The photo, I gather, is from the incident (or a similar one) that was photographed by the man in the video. The image is used without consent from BNF on Tumblr.

Now, with his decision-making and demeanor, I bet you’re surprised he could legibly write his name. I am too. But computers are glorious machines and maybe he learned how to pay someone to type.

I suggest you read the excerpt highlighted by The Awl. (I’ve been working through my noted items in my reader and finally got to it.)

First, I have to make note of his being baldist. I get that he should fear or loathe Dick Cheney (everyone should) but even for him this sounds hurtful to the hairless:

But he and the bald man had kept in touch. I wasn’t enthusiastic about his visit. He was no one I knew. And his being bald bothered me. My idea of baldness came from the movies. In the movies, the bald were always trying too hard, like they wanted to make up for their lack of hair. My friend Karl was that way. At any rate, a bald man in my house was not something I looked forward to.

That’s cold, Georgie. Cold. (Granted, I have friends who probably meet my presence with trepidation.)

Second, you’ll note from that little bit and the passage (if you read it), he writes like a prepubescent. Cool narrative style, right?

Unfortunately, (if you read the passage; seriously, did you read it?) this story can’t take place more than seventeen years ago, so he’d be forty-six, at the youngest. That cool narrative turns into a depressing look at his capacities.

(Sigh.)

Generally, it’s a poorly written, glossy portrayal you’d hear in an octogenarian blogger’s memoir about his first Christmas memory. If that story included homoerotic architectural sketching with a weak-hearted, grunting uncle full of booze. (Which, I think you’ll agree, would be awesome.)

This is how he decided to run for the Presidency? Is it that easy? Along those lines, this is a story about his decisions and there aren’t any. What’s the point? (That’s rhetorical.)

If this is any indication of the rest of the book (I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be), it saddens me it was even put to print. That Palin, Beck and Bush can sell so many versions of their ignorance is telling of where our nation is heading.

I’m looking forward to November.

Photo courtesy New York Times

Earth, Gia, Heaven, Our Home: whatever you call it, Kleenex is trying to kill it.

Sure, they use virgin growth forest and refuse all attempts to persuade them otherwise. But tiny noses can’t be bothered with carbon dioxide; they’re fragile! (also: aww, babies.)

The (debatable) softness of their tissues aside, this is deplorable.

What the hell?

I have family that worked in one of their plants in Kimberly (hey, that’s part of their name… go figure). I’m not saying a company based on unsustainable production of wasteful items is necessarily bad (yes I am) but there’s a line.

They didn’t cross it:

• … by replacing cloth diapers with tons of disposable ones. Literally, tons of waste is created (50 million diapers tossed/day) but the convenience and sanitation makes sense.
• … by replacing whatever woman used before Kotex… You know what? Never mind that. Thanks.
• … by selling the convenience of disposable facial tissues over handkerchiefs. Painting them as unsanitary was only slightly evil. (Ignoring idiotic practices.)

They did with this pathetic fear-mongering. The ad has a split screen between their towel-rack hanging dispenser and a standard cloth towel. (I’d show it to you if I could find it.)

While hands of varying size and sex grab a single towel calmly on the right, the towel on the left is brutalized (even by the dog?). Numerous despicable acts are thrown at it, just shy of laying raw chicken on it. A simple laundering will cure all (but that’s so hard!).

Kleenex knows there’s a huge market for lazy idiots. Please, dear readers, don’t become a part of it. The idea that your own towels will give you grotesque diseases is horrifyingly inane (unless you’re a lazy idiot).

In a public setting, I don’t care if you waste the wattage to use the air dryer or the paper (using it or your own handkerchief to open the door). That probably comes to an environmental wash but not in your home.

Because you’re not idiots and you’re not lazy. Right?

Where does that leave us? Here’s a look at the political climate as I’ve gleaned from lack of insight and caring very little…

Republicans:
Are idiots. But, with this new bill and some other factors (complete dolts as base; distaste for facts, reality and history; a powerful but shrinking upper-upper-upper class; etc.) they may balance things come fall. They’ll maintain their hate-speak to ensure their ignorance aligns with their ignorant base.¹

Democrats:
Are morons. They could have pushed through real reform but were distracted by sand in their vaginas (I imagine). They forfeited nearly all of their ideas (and all of their good ones) and still barely eked out a majority. They’ve weakened their position, which is apparently how they like it.

The President:
Belligerence is tossed in his face and he wants to sit down and talk about it. Then he agrees with most of the poorly-formed points and suggests changes. That sort of discussion is thoughtful, constructive and progressive but he’s the only one who believes in such things. (More sound-bites, sir. Please. The idiots are confused.)

Pundits: (err… “Media”)
They play both sides against each other in a battle of sound bites. While a battle of wits would be more suiting and could benefit us in the long-run, wits are hard to find just now. They’ll go the easy route and let stupid people verbally wail on each other betwixt commercials.

Ron Paul:
With all of his ideas stolen by the Tea Party, then by Fox News and still being shunned by Fox News, he’s fading. Expect him to only last another seven or twelve terms before he retires. (Career politics, while ineffective and regressive, is incredibly gracious.)

Tea Party:
If anyone from this movement is elected, all members (are we calling them “colonists” yet?)² will become infertile like that one country in Children of Men. (::fingers crossed::)

Health Care Industry:
Two words: Cha! Ching! With all the forced profits enhanced enrollment, without any substantial regulation, revoked exemption from trust laws or rejection of the pay-per-service model, things are looking good. (If you have any health stocks, keep them. You’ll need them.)

… That said, the Blues could add functioning health reform to their bill with a series of amendments. The media could shift focus (with the iPad reminding people how to read and all) to collaborative and comprehensive coverage of issues. The Colonists could merge their message into coherent and realistic complaints, sparking debate and true compromise.

Of course, I could also grow my hair into dreads and start working for a hedge fund. Now that I’m eating vegetables and riding my bike to work, anything’s possible.³

¹ I don’t mean “ignorant.” I mean ignorant or grotesquely rich. It’s easier to lump them together.

² Wait, why aren’t we calling them Colonists? They’re racist, abysmally educated and misinformed, not unlike those that lived three centuries ago. The name fits.

³ This is not possible.

That and his competition is sub-stellar.

David “Ahead of the News” Letterman is a better interview. His bits and monologue are tired but he, especially with guests he sees as inferior, is a master behind the desk (though, James “Your Favorite Curse” Lipton has him  beat hands down in overall style).

Jay “Have You Heard This?/Am I Right?” Leno has a tired monologue, uninteresting interview skills but can make fun of stupid people and typos. Jerry “Show About Nothing” Seinfeld is a genius in observing the comedy in the mondane. Leno’s genius is in trying to be Seinfeld.

Craig “Who’s That Guy?” Ferguson has filled the shoes of Craig “Where’s My Mirror” Kilborn well. Still, he’s a complete goof who I have only watched once or twice. He seems to have a following.

Jimmy “Stick Around After Grey’s” Kimmel has a stronger following than Ferguson and seems to have the staying power. At least on his network, which has ratings, I think, from televisions being left on after “Modern Family” or “Grey’s Anatomy” or, in some cases, “General Hospital“.

Because I’m such an impressive blogger*, I’ll even mention Wanda “Rock-Splitting Voice” Sykes and George “I’m Hispanic” Lopez. Neither are original (or funny) but both have shows (Fox Saturday and TBS during the week, respectively) because networks need to advertise pharmaceuticals to insomniac, depressed, middle-aged viewers. (Pills!!)

NBC’s decision to scrap their Tonight Show (a legacy of fifty-five years) for some hybrid option was rightfully opposed by O’Brien (his statement). After only a few months, O’Brien’s show had a younger audience, something coveted by most studio execs (lower proportion on a fixed income = more money = lucrative advertising). In any case, even Leno defended O’Brien’s ratings issues.

What no one’s talking about is how much Leno’s show sucked. I mean, it’s terrible. His monologue is just as abismal as it was an hour and a half later but the laid back format is boring, the interviews still terrible and his choice in up-and-coming comedians doesn’t fit his demographic. He can still make fun of stupid people but is that better than O’Brien?

No.

Mr O’Brien’s intellectually goofy style is more modern and more in-tune with the not-yet-middle-aged audience. It’s fresh and unique in a landscape of desks and couches. Jimmy “Look at My Gadget” Fallon has taken to the role of goofball after-The-Tonight-Show host, Jon “Say WHAAAAT!?” Stewart covers political humor and Stephen “Even I Don’t Take This Seriously” Colbert has a lock on mockery, so O’Brien can work his niche accordingly.

Playing one off the other here, as NBC is doing, provides a ratings boost and then built-in buzz for O’Brien’s next step. This, I’m behind. As long as he moves to a Hulu-friendly network… (who can stay up that late nowadays?)

* You may have noticed I didn’t even make a case for Conan’s staying at The Tonight Show or moving to another network or just retiring. I’m that good.

Anyway… For all those with smog-filled dreams, fret not. I have good news. (Of sorts.) Global warming is likely unavoidable but the blow will be softened. By oil.

Well, technically the lack of it. Black gold has turned Econ majors into bumbling morons. Demand has garnered no supply and has failed to produce viable alternatives, as predicted.

Here are a few fun notes:

• Four million barrels per day (BPD) less come out of the ground each year.
• There are no new worthwhile reserves to make that up (much less add to it to meet demand).
• Producing countries are fudging reserve estimates (probably because their production quotas are based on them).
• ANWR won’t produce 800k BPD until 2028 (even if all environmentalists are shot tomorrow). The US currently consumes 19 million BPD.
• More natural gas use means wells are losing pressure with maturity, proving we’re almost out of dino-puddles.
• Off-shore drilling is a pipe dream (har har) with rigs that barely stand up to category three storms.
• Gulf drills are still producing 250k less BPD than they were before Katrina.
• Producing countries are using more and more oil themselves, reducing exports.

Wind and solar power are far too inefficient. Any talk of hydrogen as fuel should be muted by its exponential cost and that it takes more energy to produce it than it provides, rendering it useless.

(Ethanol is too big a joke to laugh at here. Food costs, scarcity, nutrient and resource depletion, etc. Every subsidized ounce ruins our future. Rapidly.)

Food will be more expensive, exported jobs may return and travel will be cost prohibitive (any variety). “Think global, buy local” will be reality (not a hipster, ironic t-shirt slogan).

Cheap energy looks more like the last bits of milk shake than the mile-high gushers. With it goes the wholesale polluting that started the climate change mess and it will probably slow before the worst comes.

Global warming averted. World saved. What’s next?

Photo courtesy GreenPeace.org

Market assumptions are simple. Supply of a good is tracked against the demand for that good and where they intersect is the price. Ignoring for a moment this ignores cost, depletion or waste (as so many do) how does this apply to health care?

A market needs two things: something of value (sometimes tactile) and consumers with choice. Whenever a market is artificially added to a sector without these things, disaster (exploitation, Enron) ensues.

Health care is one of these sectors. Consumers (used generally to label the 98% not able to buy specialist care out of boredom) don’t have choice. They’re sitting across from their doctor and being told their options. If they need an MRI they don’t check the going rate in China or on NewEgg, for instance.

Insurance, medical practitioners, pharmaceuticals and many others are all under the blanket label of Health Care and it’s also something everyone needs. This not only depletes consumers’ choices further but confuses any market assumptions.

Applying a market to a natural monopoly (built, in this case, on high cost, low access and government assistance) never works. When the idea hit the electricity sector manipulation, artificial scarcity, high profits, unreliable supply and scandal were the natural results.

Health care in this country boils down to two things. On one side, you’re for single payer reform and believe health care is a right. On the other, you want to paint a market over a monopoly and see health care as a privilege (though few will admit that).

On whichever side you fall, take a look at Frontline‘s look at six democratic countries with state-backed health care. Ask yourself, why can’t we have a system like Taiwan? Or Switzerland? Or the best parts of both?

In both cases they’re trying to force a market into a sector it doesn’t belong but it’s working for the people, not the companies.

Photo courtesy: SFGate.com

Not exactly a prime candidate for such a “prestigious” award, I’m aware. Still, their standards can’t be that high. I wouldn’t aim for anything worthwhile, like Physics or (for the good of all mankind) Literature. Instead, I set my sights on Economics.

Whoa, you’re thinking. Money? Financial theory? He’s kidding right? He can barely count. I am not. (Kidding, that is. You’re spot on with the counting.) In defense, I give an example of one recipient proving I’m just as qualified.

Milton Friedman, you say? Sure, an obvious target because his thoughts on perpetual consumption drove Reaganism, multiple nation-state failures and ignored any glaring issues (rampant unemployment, catastrophic inequality, unsustainable models, etc.).

Too easy.

My exhibit A (though, it’s the only exhibit, so I don’t know why I named it) is Mr. Robert M. Solow. For those unfamiliar, he was awarded a Nobel Prize in 1987 for magic and is (or was; not sure) a professor of wizardry at MIT.

How did he get a Nobel Prize and the subsequent funds in economics then, if he’s a less-fake Dumbledore? Your guess is as good as mine.

In theory, it’s because he helped solidify Economic Growth Theory (notice the redundant “theory” usage; told you I’m not aiming for the Literature prize). Here’s where I’m just as qualified, if not more so.

The theory only uses capital and labor as inputs for dozens of “calculations” that prove our economic growth is sustainable. This, to a Fox News devotee, is common knowledge. Which is the main problem.

Let’s take something as simple as a car. Dumbl— err, Solow claims to make that car you’ll only need tools, cars and a little know-how. That’s it. See where I’m going with this?

Yeah… so by sheer force of will (magic), he manifests recyclable resources like steel and glass and other barely reusables (like tires, plastics, fiberglass, etc.). Then, he forgets those in his “equations.”

What does that mean and why do I deserve a medal and related financial windfall? Not only is resource depletion ignored completely, but waste and pollution creation are non-factors. I can create a theory in 10 minutes that factors out entire mountains of common-sense and I want recognition for that.

Photo courtesy Google Images

I’ve been kicked out of the capitalist system and am awash in socialist frustration. My UI may be denied. This, obviously, was an unexpected blow to the spleen.

The next course of action is appeal. According to the notice, I can do this online. Golden, I’m there watching terrible television on Hulu anyway. But no. The log-in is disabled so now I have to call.

This is why universal health care will be ignored by 85% of everyone. There’s just not enough incentive in a free service to take on the tedium of government-sponsored services.

No one would want to waste their time on such things if rates for useful health care were reasonable. There would be incentive to have a job that pays for most of it too. Which brings me back to jobs…

I would love one. ::sigh::

Yes, that’s Mussolini, who was technically a Fascist leader. Still, the vast majority of the US doesn’t know the difference.