Archive for March, 2009

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microsoft saved me $2k?

Monday, March 30th, 2009

That’s misleading. Sort of. They just may have given me a reason to avoid a finance option, allowing me the patience to save up for a MacBook instead. (Man, why do I lie like that in the title? Bush league.)

Over the weekend, and I do mean the entire effin’ weekend, I installed a Windows7 tester to my machine. Let me first describe the install…

I started with a backup, which took (this may tell you how much shiz I’ve accumulated) about twelve hours. Then I tried to upgrade to save myself the trouble of reinstalling all of my programs.

I left it to run at 2.30p and returned at 10p with a message (similar to): “Preparing for first use; setup will continue after restart.” What timing! Instead, this message came up every three minutes between restarts. Continuously.

I finally wiped the drive, starting from scratch. After about thirty hours, I installed essential programs (browsers, CS3, TweetDeck, etc.) and started playing around with it.

So far, so good. I’ll give it a week before it slows my Macbook-purchasing momentum but there are some marked improvements:

  • Entire machine runs smoother (OS isn’t Exxon-like resource consumer).
  • Launching Chrome is almost instantaneous.
  • IE8 fixed a bug IE7 and IE6 were both showing. (Maybe a better browser?)
  • Media player is different (video popped out) and buggy but looks better.
  • Taskbar is very Mac-dock-esque but useful.
  • Seems to have fixed a bug in my DVD drive that was causing halted audio playback.

Take it for what you will (a new OS always runs like honey) but anyone running Vista on less than 3gb RAM should think about moving over once it’s released later this year. (Netbooks, I’m looking at you.)

Note: I’m still getting a Macbook for portability, durability and reliability. Just not in the market for 17″ of carry-around anymore.

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dear God, 01101101*

Friday, March 27th, 2009
Simon Delivers!

holisticgeek via Flickr

These days you can practically do anything on the interweb. Be it grocery shopping, being an annoying friend or finding time between rounds of WOW to find someone to do your dishes, it’s all easier online.

Which brings me to this… (::shudder::)

Information Age Prayer

IAP (no matter your beliefs or lack of) is hilariously horrifying. (Here’s a little more from LiveScience.) For those anti-linkers out there, these goons, for as low as $3.95/mo, feed your prayer into their system and it’s read aloud using “text-to-speech synthesizers.” By computers.

Let me simplify. You pay, they pray… barely. Bonus, no refunds! Facking brilliant! For a few reasons. Your target users:

  • believe an Omnipresent cares in the slightest about his/her particular plight
  • aren’t internet-savvy enough to be turned away by your horrendous site design
  • are too lazy to fall onto his/her own knees, much less ask for a refund
  • are guaranteed to have dim, like-minded friends (word of mouth growth)
  • have at least $3.95 to pay for computer-read prayers instead of insurance/heating
  • are probably teaching their kids in their kitchen (repeat customers)
  • likely have a sphere of influence smaller than your dachshund (no angry tweets)

This is probably the best idea since the ambiguous, emotional branding that flooded us in the late 90s (Nikes won’t make you faster… they’ll make you happier!). How will people complain?

Complaining idiot customer: Sir! I gave your company $12 over the last two months. You claimed to pray for my chihuahua’s health. She only became worse, completely distraught and passed away three days ago! I demand my money back!

CSR: I can’t do that ma’am; the no-refund policy is clearly stated.

CC: But it didn’t WORK!

CSR: God works in mysterious ways, ma’am.

CC: G’damnit! ::click::

*Truncated. Full text: Dear God, 01101101 01100001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01110010 01100100 (or, “make me a bird”) (#nerd)

Cross-posted at SexDrugs&IntellectualFreedom

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greenland has no green…

Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
Iceland America New Zealand and Russia

gregwake > Flickr

… and Iceland has no ice. Or money.

Iceland, in all its “we’re so hot we can run day-to-day on geothermal pipes” ways, is bankrupt. This, like the extinction of the panda, is long overdue. If any country deserves financial ruin, it’s Iceland.

Why, you ask, do I so loathe the Icelan-dicks (zing!)?  Read this and this and come back. (The staff is off enjoying the fact we don’t live on a continental rift so you have time; no rush.)

All set?

So (for those lazy tools that didn’t read) basically…

  • They adopted the American model of greed and imaginary money.
  • They don’t realize we can’t even keep ourselves afloat with vast resources.
  • They still believe in elves.

Neoconservatives have been forcing pure capitalism on people for decades (Chile, Russia, Iraq, etc) so I can forgive them the attempt at vacuous wealth. Believing there are tiny people disrupting construction projects, though, is a new level of idiot.

Iceland could have used their energy savings, invested in technology or education and lead the world in the new enviro-conscious age. Instead they’re one of the most noteworthy of the recession-related failures.

For a country where more than half the residents can’t deny small, pointy-eared people live in rocks, it’s no surprise they’d think they could manifest financial security by shear will. What’s our excuse?

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use an ipod, get arrested

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
Modern Humorist

Modern Humorist

We all know Obama is the beacon of light in a sea of darkness, the destined prince of Dubya’s evil reign. Totally a given. But, what if he’s just a president, pressured by the same rich folk and backed by the same metaphorically (and sexist-ly) dickless non-leaders as those before him?

Horrifying, right?

According to Threat Level, Obama supports a fine of (up to) $150k per track for file sharing. They, probably for good reason, mark it as a low-level threat but this could be important.

This goes directly in line with the RIAA‘s goals and brings more confusion into copyright and infringement issues. Copyright is supposed to facilitate new ideas and expand creativity. Currently, it’s used to perpetuate music/movie monopolies. (Changing the definition a bit, yes?)

The music industry could have easily shifted to a digital medium, created vast archives and sold tracks off individually for $1 each for billions. They didn’t. Apple did. And now they’re looking to get their money back by suing small-time audiophiles.

Having the drummer from Metallica*, the RIAA and the President in the same camp could spark other intriguing results:

  • RIAA comes down on all music sharing, people go local, music “industry” dries up
  • Every mix-tape or CD you burned for any girl (guy) you wanted sans-pants is ordered destroyed; teen romance moves to MySpace dies
  • Content ownership decomposes (we’re left with a great Beyoncé v. Rihanna debate that kills herds of cattle)

* Demanding ISPs block P2P users and increasing fines to comic proportions is overkill, which describes dual base drumming well.

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why the FB rework means nothing

Thursday, March 19th, 2009

twibookFirst, let me bring focus to a bold few, Ben, @KatLikeWrites, Alauna, Jenski and TinkTrace (longtime friend of the Chasm staff) all weighed in. The rest of you were probably busy being inattentive friends, disgruntled coworkers or panhandlers. (All worthy distractions.)

Check the post for their full comments but here’s a paraphrase:

There’s distaste for the new look. Partly because no one really cares what everyone thinks and to have it front-center is useless. At least Jenski cares about the elderly. Ben aims aesthetic, noting the lack of hierarchy. He likes the “What’s on your mind” call for a status update and wants more filters. (There’s more but he got a little wordy.)

After their failed acquisition bid Twitter, Facebook made a twit-esque homepage. Except they failed miserably. There’s a difference betwixt the two: FB is information sharing and Twt is conversation. FB’s attempt to combine them outright is terrible.

Theoretically it’s useful. It provides another conduit for tossing nauseatingly-specific ads at users. It makes easier the sharing of pointless. It even responds to the imaginary “Twitter threat.” Then the whole thing crumbles.

All of these ideas are lost on a smattering of “uhh” that sparks headaches and causes toddlers to realize shame (conceptually). All elements look the same (wall post, status update, photo upload, etc.). Everything is important, making everything unimportant.

This may be more in line with their clean coal-esque business model (whatever that is) but this is a terrible way to go about adhering to it. With all their venture-money, where’s the designer?

S/he would (or should) have asked, where’s the white space? Where do you let the eye rest? Where should it jump to? What’s important on this page? How will users use the page and site? Can we fix the stroke on our rounded boxes?

I’ve seen a gigantic upturn in the number of status updates in the last week. This isn’t necessarily good. The quality therein hasn’t increased; most are just reacting to having such a prominent text-input box.

From past changes and those (handsome, beautiful readers) that commented, the change will soon be tolerated. When will people start to ask more of FB? When will they say, “sure, this works, but I know I could do better?”

I hope soon. If this is any indication of what the most popular social network has on offer, our slow moving train has stopped indefinitely.

Think FB2.5 is the bees knees? Think I’m wrong calling FB an innovation-free, Microsoft-esque dinosaur company? Let me know.

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warning

Tuesday, March 17th, 2009

They offer suggestions, where to stay, to eat, to party. They recount their banal times there, ignoring my blank stare response. But they didn’t warn me.

Many rows back there’s a large group, yelling to each other between rows. One of them yells louder about her four dollar and fifty cent bag of snacks. This, apparently, is outrageous while standard for airport pricing.

To my right, a young couple looks to be doing homework. He’s dressed professionally with an inexpensive notebook computer. She’s skeletal, reading a textbook and looks frightened.

In front of them are a pair of men in various iterations of camouflage. One placed his bag sideways in the overhead, taking most of the space. The other violently forced his with the handle first. Obviously veteran travelers.

Beside them, with his significant other across the isle is a black man in an expensive coat emblazoned with giant M&Ms. She wears two earrings, one with a large, square piece that catches on the collar of her vest.

All around are other uniques. People trying to seem like they have the world by the balls, retirees getting a way from the winter still wheezing its last breaths. They’re all here, cheering like unruly fourth-graders at any mention of the destination.

We’ve barely just taken flight and worry what I’ll find upon landing. It seems like every other tourist mecca I’ve ever hated. Only, the clientele likely can’t afford it.

The wheels hit the tarmac; the bag rolls; the doors open; the strip glows; the bride and groom walk down the isle; the drinks are gigantic and strong; the plane jettisons east; the wheels hit the tarmac.

The city is filled with more characters, smells and pathetic than I imagined. The casinos are dreary, sad. An entire industry built on the promise of an adult Disney is filled with desperate, self-indulgence.

Yet, no one warned me.

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