Archive for December, 2008

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obligatory hiatus announcement

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Some of you aren’t avid blog readers. Some of you are. Those that are realize everyone’s tossing out apologetic posts about taking breaks for the family or holidays or travel or what have you. Fuck that.

I refuse to even sprinkle apology into a post. I’m two (snow and cold filled) days from my first international trip and the eighty-degree sun that comes with it. I won’t be held back or even hypothetically guilty for enjoying myself.

You should be around family, friends and attractive in-laws who are just close enough to the blood line to make a relationship difficult (sigh). You shouldn’t be reading this. (Granted, I totally dig that you’re reading this at all but this is not the time.)

Come back on the fifth (or so) for the usual nonsensical nonsense. Did you read Monday’s post? That was dry-humping topical. I’ll strive to avoid that upon my return.

To repeat, this is not an apology. This is me telling you I’m going to take my break and you should too. On that note, here’s a bit of pathetic everyone will sling at you in the coming days if they won’t see you within two weeks.

See you next year!! (Ha. Ha. Yawn.)

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thoughts on: the BTAAs

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

It’s that time when stockings are hung with bargain bin knickknacks and well-meaning, soon-to-be-returned-for-credit gifts pile under the faux-pines decorated with fire-safe shiny things. The television flickers with ads for post-holiday sales, constantly pressuring to buy, buy, buy. A Christmas Story is on. (Always.)

How did I choose to escape the advertising assault and corporatist tsunami? Girlfriend and I went to the British Television Advertising Awards. (How’s that for paradox?) Go figure. 

Most were entertaining, some were incredible and few were fantastic. Watching the Cadbury Gorilla in full theater effect was transcendent. Here’s a quick run down of a few notables:

  • … There was one where a woman dressed in red went through various parts of her day. The images were then sliced and flipped through frame by frame (read: flip-book) so she appears to do cartwheels. It was sort of cool.
  • … One of the first ones showed a ton of things being tossed from the oceans. Things like shipwrecks, fallen statues and trash. The effects were adequate and the concept was fun until the sell. It was a spot for Smirnoff, claiming it was pure because of distilling or something. This pronouncement ignores that Smirnoff tastes like pig scrotum. Decent concept though… you know… if a good brand were to try it.
  • … Battle, a spot for Mail on Sunday, was entertaining. As long as you believe archetypes are the only possible tool in advertising. If you think originality counts for anything, you’ll get a migraine watching the sport-obsessed, childish men taking on the superficial, toy-dog-owning women fight it out.
  • … And my second favorite of the night was “Key to Reserva.” It’s a web promotion, based on an hilarious premise. Martin Scorsese is going to create a film from a script that’s only three and a half pages long, written by Alfred Hitchcock. The music, the angles, the scenes, the effects. I was laughing almost the entire nine and a half minutes. Here, for your viewing pleasure (none of you are really working this close to Christmas are you?), “Key to Reserva:”

At 7:13, I nearly pissed myself.

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how to pitch prosperity

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

The economy sucks taint. Stores have slashed into their prices (and profit margins) because people aren’t able or willing to buy. But what does that mean?

You’re making as much as (or less than) your parents did when they thought bell bottoms were rad. An entire subclass of humans has been created to make clothes and Blackberries for pennies a day. Congress scolds big box retailers for their labor injustices instead of instituting laws that would change things.

Our economic model ignores resource depletion, waste production (read: real cost) and barriers of entry (information, competition, etc.). States are running wicked deficits, slicing programs and funding (education, police, etc.). Wall Street is handed $700 billion* without explanation.

I don’t mean to spark guilt or confusion; both are worthless. But, was the economy that great to begin with? We were rich but that was generally based on our ability to shift responsibility and accountability out of sight (read: overseas). Have we run out of scapegoats?

Thursday’s “Earl,” while slightly humorous, turned out to be a half-hour ad for Jane Seymour’s Open Heart necklaces. We’re fast approaching the most consumerist of mutated holidays and all media is saturated with desperate pleas to buy things we can’t afford.

Will marketing and the economy adapt? Will we still rely on the poor to buy beyond their means so our 401Ks don’t tank? How would a marketing pitch go for something that creates genuine prosperity? What’s the guerrilla campaign for renewable electricity (not based on valuable crop misuse)?

* Minus the $17 billion just given to the auto industry because Chapter 11 would have provided just as many layoffs but would have dropped share costs for stockholders.

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friday free for all

Friday, December 19th, 2008

… Yesterday, TinkTrace (friend of T.C. from before it was T.C.) sent a link. I was horrified. A barely-food that’s $.06 cheaper to make and sold for $1 more makes my neurons misfire.

Then I saw the ad in the right column (need javascript turned off to see it). My horror evaporated (replaced by dismay). Context aside, this ad is amazing. It’s two frames of an animated GIF so terribly Photoshop’d as to be comedic gold (click for full-size):

Before and after a drunken round of clone stamp.

Before and after (after/before?) drunk clone stamping.

Has anyone actually bought this shit? I mean, do they think this guy was ever obese? Has anyone seen image retouching? (Ignoring the person who retouched it, who obviously hasn’t.) Thanks the interweb gods it’s hidden. ::shudder::

… Wednesday, I met with a consultant about our marketing department. There’s been almost complete turnover (I’ve been here longer than all but one person) since I signed on and restructuring has been sort of interesting.

She explained some of our inadequacies as far as interweb’s concerned and was stunned when I (title: Interactive Designer) admitted to having almost no part in the strategy. We laughed… and laughed… and laughed… (more misfired neurons.)

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two major self-improvements (seriously)

Thursday, December 18th, 2008

Okay, so that’s debatable. In my mind (which, to remind old readers and inform new ones, is as closed as figuratively possible), they are improvements. You can judge as you like, just don’t tell me about it (you won’t).

First, I updated a Facebook profile. A new one (relatively speaking; it’s been around for months) that isn’t tainted by years of misuse and abuse. For those looking for a more professional feel and the like (anyone hiring?), click here and add me.

I’ll still primarily use my current account and won’t add photos or videos or specific information to the new one. As most of you know, I’m quite private (private blogger = oxymoron) and hard to find. As such, the new profile is more visible but less interesting.

Second, I joined a gym on Sunday. The YWCA to be exact. And have gone four times already. Which, to be sure, is about as opposite my usual as I can get without wearing my clothes backward (… will make you jump! jump!).

Related: I still bite my nails, eat like a second grader whose parents are away and watch far too many movies and television. (Baby steps, people. Baby steps.)

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thoughts on: role models

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
Role Models

Role Models

Have you seen The Ten? Or Wet Hot American Summer? (No one else has either.) They’re good precursors to Role Models. The first two acts are funny and then the end blows up in absurd like a tween watching a Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

Unlike those two, Role Models has a strong story, some comedic chops and doesn’t get as ridiculous at the end. Rudd is (as is the usual) hilarious. I related to his miserable trudging through the day-to-day loathing his job. (They sort of lost me when he started appreciating and enjoying life.)

It follows two guys (thankfully S.W. Scott is back in his Rundown-esque sidekick role) who sell energy drinks to high school kids. One (Rudd) has a particularly rough day and they end up sentenced to community service. Enter two childhood archetypes who need mentors that learn more from them than vice versa (duh).

There’s some hilarious use of Kiss and other random shenanigans involving foam swords. It’s well worth a rental and is more universal (read: less crass) than Superbad or Knocked Up. You won’t get as many complaints afterward. Unless you’re into that.

Unnecessary warning: not deep, enlightened or meaningful.

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