Archive for July, 2008
friday free for all »
Friday, July 18th, 2008
… I’m going to see The Dark Knight tonight with a few folk at the IMAX. It’s the first flick I’ve looked forward to since Superbad. It’s funny that those two aren’t even close to related.
… found a new random interweb tool through SIMYP. It’s the latest fifty image uploads to LiveJournal for those not in the know, that’s how they used to blog before blogger, which is how they used to blog before wordpress, which is how they used to blog before tumblr. It’s very strange. It’s sometimes incredibly NSFW. cripes… not safe for work… do I have to tell you kids everything? People are odd. Check it out here.
… wednesday night, Girlfriend and I sat around looking at calendars. I’m busy until Jan 12, 2009, basically.
… this time next week, I’ll be in the Northwest I have no idea if that’s true; didn’t set up the flights. I’m excited. Like, excited. One, it’s the first trip sans-parents that didn’t involve that shitstain of a city, LA no offense, Nut, though you don’t read this so I couldn’t care less. Two, it’s a region I’ve been looking to visit since I saw Singles for the first time. Three, Girlfriend’s travel itch is apparently contagious or strangling my soul has had unfortunate effects.
I don’t know exactly what I’m visiting/seeing or where I’m staying, but I’m sure it’ll be sweet. One thing I do know for sure is I’m seeing The Hold Steady in Portland. I’m listening to the new album right now no matter when you read this. Solid.
… IMDB.com is down as of posting. My world is crumbling under it’s own weight. I can’t breathe… my face is itchy… darkness. so. cold. so… dark…
… and finally:
Wednesday morning, I applied and transferred funds to an E*Trade CD. I did it for a few reasons. The baby, as previously mentioned, is my favorite current campaign advertising works, people. The CD has an APY I have no idea what that is that’s about twenty times higher than my standard savings I assume that’s good.
I also wanted to get my feets wet in the online trading realm. By intuition alone because numbers make eyes roll back in my head like I’ve been hit with a lead pipe I’ll be a gazillionaire. I won’t forget the little people which, if you’re following along, are the threes of you in spite of all my efforts.
Granted, I can’t see the CD online yet because I like a techtarded fourth-grader clicked a link on the “print for your records” page and have to wait a few days ’til they send my account information packet. So… take my claims of being a gazillionaire with that in mind.
incidentally, apple’s at about $170, lockheed martin’s at about $100 and pfizer’s at about $20; a couple purchases, a few bombs toward brown people Muslims Iran freedom and a tiny pandemic and I’m rolling in it. Vote McCain and buy a macbook air, I guess, is what I’m saying.
friday free for all »
Friday, July 11th, 2008
… I had a few tweaks with my current web hosting company over the weekend that have me itching for a digital migration. I thought about sustainable energy and looked for a hosting service that’s powered as such. what a fucking hippy, right? I found Sustainable Hosting.
I have no idea if they’re actually running on wind power or buy offsets in wind energy certificates site’s ambiguous. It costs two or three times what I can get from GoDaddy. I think I’ll have to wait a bit like four or five presidential terms before finding a full-on sustainable solution that I can easily afford, but good looking out, Sustainable Hosting. Keep up the good work assuming you’re doing something good.
… Robert Downey Jr. is slated to play Sherlock Holmes. The film’s set to be directed by Guy Ritchie. I’m already sweating in anticipation. Too bad the other Sherlock movie, a comedy with Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell, will blow ass.
… With McCain as president, we’ll likely dispose of the pesky contraception/abortion/education issue in favor of abstinence-only, opt-in sexual education in a fraction of schools. Not a problem. Teen pregnancies are on the rise and we’ve successfully dumbed the populous down to a controllable mass of seaweed already. What’s a few more lax domestic policies in a time of an illegal war?
Despite the soon-to-follow abolition of a minimum wage, teens will still have what’s called “disposable income” in coming years, known as “money for produce”. Why not let them put it to good use raising another under-educated poor person? The marketing opportunities are endless.
… Though I have a growing distaste for the elder presidential candidate, I’m not sold on the other yet. I’m a fan of “a vote against one is a vote for the other;” Kerry/Edwards ‘04! His reversal on telecomm immunity is disappointing to say the least, his wobbly stance on public financing is ridiculous and he’s come back to the center on some key issues. Sure, I wouldn’t turn away millions of dollars either and he’s catering to both sides like a “uniter” would, but telecomms shouldn’t be immune from illegally tapping my phone and if McCain continues to felate the fringe extremes of his party, why can’t Obama felate the extremes of his?
Still regardless of policy, flip-flopping, race, age or the fact that the next president won’t make any significant changes even with two terms, if this guy supports McCain, Obama has my vote:
… and finally:
Things got a little heavy there like last week… that was rough, so here’s some things completely different in a way.
Since we’re on the topic of blowjobs, here’s a clip of the best blowjob you’d never want.
We’ve been discussing presidents at length for a few months and the ineptitude therein for 7.5 years. Here’s a transcript sorry, couldn’t find a video despite minutes of searching from a long-ago, related MadTV sketch. It’s one of the funnier ones from the show there weren’t many; another one is here. The president is played by David Herman michael bolton of Office Space and the security guard is Artie Lange that one fat guy that was funny in the dumb way for way too long and is now on “Rescue Me”.
Last is a bit of a long-winded audio clip. There’s some back story here. Something about a guy getting a girl’s phone number and then leaving these two awesome messages.
thoughts on: s. darko »
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
I got to looking around the IMDB for some random stuff and caught a link for Justin Chatwin. When I’m on the IMDB I can’t be held responsible for where I end up; I get all drunk on trivial and wake up hours later with six movies downloading and more in the queue. If you don’t know him, he’s the guy from Invisible an over-hyped morality tale for tweens. If you still don’t know him, don’t worry about it. He’s not the point as if there ever is one.
Curious what he’s been up to since the aforementioned cinematic attempt at thoughtful, I saw that he’s Goku in 2009’s Dragonball awesome! right before I glanced down a link and saw something horrible. Something that has tragedy not real tragedy, mind you, like 1% of the country being richer than the lower 90% or McCain winning the election written all over it.
It’s my duty, as a movie-going American with the compassion of a thousand men all CEOs of multinationals, so take that as you will, to tell you this terrible, terrible news. They’re creating, from the bowels of hellfire with a side of everything wrong with capitalism, a sequel to Donnie Darko.
The original was a stunning work in cult/sci-fi/philosophical classic. It coupled a fascinating story with quality acting and injected smart directing into a circle-jerk of everything sweet. It takes a few watchings to really get it and I can’t say I really have, but it’s coolness times a factor of chic. I liked it.
So why is a sequel so bad? Sequels are fun. Home Alone II was alright, American Pie II had a lot of heart and Spider Man II was awesome, you say? Sure… sure… But you forget that all of these had third products that stunk more than a frightened skunk after a feast of baked beans. And they were made by the same group/cast/producers as the rest.
S. Darko has one cast member that was in the first. It’s produced, directed and distributed by folk that weren’t even related to the first. If that’s not enough to turn you off, I looked a little further and things started to look like blown up pictures of fertilizer trucks labeled as WMDs.
It’s distributed by Twentieth Century Fox. They’ve proven to be highly selective with such gems as Tooth Fairy, meet the spartans and Rocky Balboa. They are already slated to distribute two X-men “prequels,” a second run at Night at the Museum and another Jumper. They obviously know what they’re doing…
It’s produced by Newmarket Capitol Group and Silver Nitrate Films. These two have combined for… um… let me just check the list over here… two decent movies four if you drop your standards. Not exactly a solid record. That Newmarket has produced Skulls II & III and Cruel Intensions II & III does not bode well for S. Darko being more than a pile if great dane excrement left in the center of the sidewalk.
It’s written by Nathan Atkins, who has no experience. He wrote Cultivation. It’s a short film with this tagline: “A magical board game creates a triangle of desire, jealousy and anger among three people existing in a magical reality.” wow. He edited some episodes of “24″ and The Quiet if you consider that a boost to his resume.
But all that doesn’t matter as long as the director is solid and the acting is stellar, right? I guess there’s an argument for that. This one is directed by Chris Fisher. He has yet to toss out a movie that doesn’t suck royal and spends his time one-offing episodes for television.
The cast reads like a CW night out. There’s one from “One tree hill” another from “Gossip Girl” and a third is best known for Step Up 2. Not to mention the dead-eyed, cue-card-needing Elizabeth Berkley.
I imagine, given the director, producers and cast, the story will go something like this:
Samantha, still a dedicated dancer under the tutelage of Trudy Berkley, hits legal age and gets all sexed up. She starts having visions, while banging stars of local television shows, of an epic dance-off between her and her rival, Corey. Hijinks ensue and nudity abounds as she tries to solve a murder mystery in 70s fashions while fighting for the coveted spot of lead dancer on the college squad. Everyone dies.
But, yeah. This movie will suck. Hard. Like if Showgirls was a pre-teen sucking down the last bits of her root beer float, this would be Jenna Jameson in her original audition tape. It’s going to be terrible. I guarantee it.*
* Not a guarantee.
[tuesday] movies »
Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
the baxter
… is a subtle comedy about how nice guys finish last. It’s entertaining, but not a laugh-out-loud sort. It’s dry and witty and displays Michael Showalter’s chops quite well even if he can’t write a television show that more than fifty people watch.It follows Elliot Showalter while he fumbles through his safe existence after he meets Caroline Elizabeth Banks. He’s always left for ex-boyfriends and knows it’s coming again when she runs into her ex at a bar.
It’s not for everyone because it doesn’t have a lot of action or adventure or slapstick comedy or in-your-face humor. It’s just a feel good romp through the distorted lens of Showalter and his exaggerated, cartoonish characters.
******
teeth
… is a comedic journey into modernized mythology. It’s just as disgusting as I expected, but much funnier. The characters are unidimensional and not terribly interesting, but the oddity of the story and humorous asides balance it out.Dawn jess weixler is a prissy, pledged virgin who has the innocence of a dozen infants. She falls for a new guy and things get hot and heavy. After a brutally awesome incident, she finds out she suffers from a wicked cast of vagina dentata apparently knowing fifth-grade latin only gets you so far in screenwriting.
The acting is dismal and the story is preposterous, but it fills in with some funny asides and situational comedy. It has an underlying message of female empowerment, maybe, but that’s probably stretching the putty a little thin.
*****
one missed call
… is what happens when someone gets drunk and watches the ring and cellular while rushing through a screenplay. It’s, oddly, not terrible, but that’s coming from someone who likes shitty horror flicks with terrible stories, ridiculous acting and an irreverence toward plot that’s almost commendable. Take my opinion with a grain of salt, I guess, is what I’m saying.Beth Shannyn Sossamon; ’cause “shannon” is soooo drab has a bunch of friends die after they get messages from each other, which peques her interest go figure. The detective on the case is connected because his sister dies with the same red hard candy lodged in her throat as Beth’s buds. Yadda Yadda Blah… and they need to search out the origin of the ghost to break its link to all that is cinematic and save themselves.
In the interest of full disclosure, I barely remember how this one ended. It tried on a pair of epic that fit like a three-year-old in mom’s heels. Things got out of hand and I sort of tuned out. I’m sure the day was saved in impressive fashion. Or, everything went to shit and there’s a glaring opportunity for a sequeal. Whichever. All and all, it’s another remake of a Japanese horror flick because we don’t have any creative people left…
**** the effects are decent and the deaths are awesome
… but why a day late? I had a long awesome weekend and came back with a rough case of the sniffles. My sinuses were pressing against my eyes so I worked a bit from home and relaxed. I’m sure you’re okay, but please send all complaints in the form of $5 bills.
friday free for all »
Friday, July 4th, 2008
… Tuesday, I dropped almost $900 for a digicam. Thanks Mr. Bush, your stimulus check just went to Long Island. Does that mean I can officially prohibit fake-baking, hair gel and gold chains as a financial contributor to the state’s overall success?
… I’m making my way toward the mobile office, one step at a time. Lapbook, check. Conversational connectivity, check. Calendar sync, check. Working from home on Wednesdays, check. FTP access without restriction, check. VPN access, close. Email access without VPN, close. Shared server access without VPN, definitely possible.
… Here’s a little dose of humor that none of you will laugh at. Unless you work in an office and are the only tech-savvy person that people come to. Still, I thought it was hilarious, so I’m subjecting you to it status quo here at UTD.
… and finally:
I wrote this on Wednesday because I’m on vacation. Scheduling posts is the coolest thing since Apple dropped the price of the iPhone and was sued by a bunch of fad-humpers. Using all my predictive powers, I imagine I’m currently swimming in relaxation and stoked about heading out to Summerfest. Looking to see Romantica and Chris Koza at the Chipotle stage and then move over for Roots at the Oasis.
Enjoy the holiday, kids.