Archive for May, 2008
fahrenheit 451 »
Tuesday, May 27th, 2008
… makes starship troopers 2 look like a mediocre film made by ambitious, if untalented, go-getters. It’s a pile of shit on par with that triceratops dropping pile in jurassic park. It’s almost impressive it weren’t so depressing.
The book is amazing. It’s a recent read and hit me harder than any since Clockwork Orange. It’s a solid concept, fantastic story and bold in its simplicity and (possible) prescience. The movie does none of that and ends up in so many different layers of ridiculous it took some effort to keep watching it.
The story itself is close to the book. The production value and terrible acting is what throws me. The costumes probably cost $.37 in today’s dollars. If you looked hard enough you could probably see clear-tape on the seams of every part of the set.
Terrible and pathetic come to mind as discriptive words, but they just don’t cover how absolutely horrible it is. The book deserved more. The concept itself, the philosophy behind it, deserved far more. Blech.
1/2
friday free for all »
Friday, May 23rd, 2008
… I’ve worked thirty-six hours this week and am here for the entire day. I’m here because my manager is not. I’m here because the newest print chick doesn’t work Fridays. I’m here because our section of the department would be empty. this was explained in a tone that I assume was meant to make me care. I didn’t. And don’t.
I can’t even wrangle a day each week to work from home. I have a portable machine, am working with IT to gain access from anywhere, already have very few ties to this location and my coworker only works four days each week. And yet… no working from home for this kid.
I’m taking off next Friday. That’s two three-day weekends in a row and a very short week between. Still, I am not amused.
… I, as your blogger, try my hardest to be the absolutely last person to get you information. Along that vein, I give you N.O.L.A.F. Take some time; have a look around. Enjoy yourselves and remember, I will always be here to get you painfully out of date media entertainment. Unless I stop posting. Then you’ll have to find it yourself. Or something.
… Ya’ll think I take a lot of photos? Check this out It’s slow because of server traffic. [via] [via] I’m thinking of starting an album. An image at 640×480 each day. No comments, maybe a location. Just on the card I have in the camera, at that resolution, I can store over 27 years worth.
I don’t really need a concept, obviously. Maybe at 50 I can make a 25 year flash slide-show and force everyone to watch at 3 seconds each, it would be just over 7h 36m. Or maybe I’ll make them black-white classy!. I can only hope it doesn’t turn out as poignant as Mr. Livingston’s.
… I went from biking over five miles a day last week to biking less than two this week. The key to any workout regiment is consistency, people.
… and finally:
Watch and be transfixed as technology of the past licks the face of technology of the present:
[via]
starship troopers 2 »
Friday, May 23rd, 2008
… is an impeccable example of what not to do. It should be used as a mold for movies that suck and should be avoided like the herp. There are a series of no-name, low-level stars and some nudity from Kelly Carlson. Terrible.
The acting is sort of what I imagine a high school play version of Saving private ryan would be like. The story is uninteresting and the direction is utterly terrible. The set itself looks to be made from cardboard, rusted metal and ignorance.
The first one didn’t have anything going for it, but it tried to be grandiose and meaningful. It failed. This one tried the same thing, but with less money, no writing and a series of terrible ideas.
From what I can tell, there’s talk of a third. This is a prime example of why our empire will fall. Prepare yourself for a historic and bloody end while watching these classy flicks. It’ll be a traditional send-off, non-traditionally.
* (because Kelly Carlson, while a terrible actress, is from ’round here and wicked hot)
this is england »
Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
… is a surprisingly awesome movie about English sub-culture. The acting, direction, story-telling and characters are all impressively strong. I didn’t know what i was getting into because I hadn’t even looked at it before, but I’m a fan.
The accents are thick, but I adjusted to them easily enough. The only actor I’ve seen before was Stephen Graham (Snatch), but they all pulled their weight well enough. Thomas Turgoose was especially strong, considering it was his first film. The direction captures the mood well. Fast action, tight spaces and close shots add to the intensity.
For this one, story really broke the bank. The build-up is awesome and the climax is crazy and the resolution is satisfying. Cinematically delicious. It follows a pre-teen boy as he copes with school and his father’s recent death. He runs into a group of guys that take him under their collective wings. It’s a group of skinheads and one member returns that busts the laid-back feel in favor of revolution. Shaun (Turgoose) follows along.
I’d recommend this one for a rainy night. There’s subtlety to it that’s hard to follow if it’s in the background. It’s maybe not as intense as the believer in that they’re similar, but it has a lot of heart.
****1/2
wtf?!? 05.22.08 »
Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
Rats of the sky. High-school-dropout mechanics of the aves class. Douchebags. Whatever you want to call them, pigeons suck ass. There are probably cute birds that people like to watch through high-magnification binoculars or capture in flight with 3,000x zoom cameras that cost them six months of retirement, but pigeons aren’t them.
I don’t need lenses or cameras or even eye-glasses to see the cold, dead stare of their soulless bulbs science calls eyes. They’re three feet away and staring at me like a high-school blond trying to sort a geometry proof. Why? Because they long ago lost the fear of humans that so many smarter species cling to for survival.
How did this happen, you don’t ask? Many thousands of years of idiots handing them food. Most animals need survival instincts, minimal intelligence and general cunning to remain alive. Pigeons much like in-land gulls that infest landfills and the back yards of obese southerners grow fat on the generosity and waste of those too stupid to help themselves.
What is it about their emotionless faces and slowed-by-weight movements that makes old people and morons think they’re in need of those last few bites of McBiscuit? Maybe it’s the fact their too stupid to fly to warmer places until the lakes are frozen over that forces sympathy? Or maybe it’s that these elderly and idiotic folk think a swarm of barely-off-the-ground eating/shitting machines is beautiful.
You’re probably still wondering what I’m talking about.
This morning, just a block from the office, I witnessed something terrible. Something that still makes my skin crawl thinking about it two hours later. Akin to watching a first-grader violently attacked by a pack of desperate homeless men for his sandwich, packed so nicely into his Batman lunch sack.
An old lady, high on philanthropy I would guess, considering the glassy mask of happy her face was contorted into, was dumping a plastic container full of some sort of bread onto the ground in front of a dozen air-rats. Who in the fuck?!? Really?
This glowing-with-goodness bitch won’t have to walk past the same swarm later in the day as they shit all over themselves waiting for more jerks with extra foodstuffs. She won’t shudder every time one of them awkwardly takes flight in fear of their dropping the waste from her generosity back onto her.
No. She just happened to wander past the fucking things and felt they, being barely able to fly and having the reflexes of a three-legged, thirteen-year-old, overweight golden retriever, needed a little something to eat. I’m the one that gets to walk past the flock of these barely-birds and sweat with anxiety over being shat on.
If one of these things somehow garners the strength to get more than seven feet off the ground and drops a pasty load of that bitches kind-heartedness all over my $30 sweatshirt, I’m suing her for damages and getting every penny of her retirement holdings. She deserves it.
Also: I’m not a big fan of pigeons.