Archive for January, 2008

blue blood ideals

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

thinkprogress.org was doing what I can only assume was a live-blog sort of format along with the State of the Union yesterday eve. I didn’t watch because I had more important things to do. Head up to Block E to watch ‘michael clayton.’ I’m sure it was interesting, ambiguous, uninformative, and deceptive. It is, after all, the state of our union. To tell the truth would get people all depressed.

If you watched it, you’ll recognize the quotes that their series of posts broke down and contradicted. For all you binge drinkers out there, I must apologize for not posting when I found this yesterday, but if being socially retarded, grossly rich, bush’s #1 fan, or just that into things like this you taped it, here’s a drinking game that’s fun for the whole family.

stolen premise: movie poster review

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

Being obsessed with movies and in the field of design, I have a thing for movie posters. Big fan. With that said, I’m obviously a fan of zfs!’ quasi-regular postings commenting on recent cinematic posters. I may have tapped into his source or at least one of them. I’m intrigued by a “blog” that only displays posters and very limited film information. It seems too, well… yawn, for my tastes.

The staff at ZFS! and their somewhat-monthly rundowns add humanity and insight typically comedic to the two-dimentional film promotions. We here at U.T.D. appreciate such things. If imitation is, indeed, the sincerest form of flattery, I can only hope those in New York take it as such. zfs! staff, please ignore my stereotypical depiction of texas in the previous post. These are ordered from the highest factor of suck to the highest factor of sweetness.

Get Smart
I liked the show. I like carell. I like hathaway in the “i want to be on you” sense. I hate this poster. Television shows remade on film always work out well. What’s with Hathaway’s hair all up in Carell’s grill? Is that supposed to show her dominance? PG-13 means no Brokeback or havoc-like flesh that could possibly provide relief from the tedious lame. This movie could suck the yellow off a banana I was going to go with a jenna jameson reference here, but, if you’ve seen her lately (if you haven’t, click here), it would have sparked a fit of vomiting like something out of the exorcist.

Last Chance Harvey
Dustin looks to be pondering the days when he was in the graduate or runaway jury or i ♥ huckabees. Maybe he’s just daydreaming about all his upcoming time in the studio doing voice-overs. It sure doesn’t look like he gives a shit about Emma to the right. The over-choched photo of the bridge and the painfully simple design of this impressively pompous pile of bird droppings makes my retinas throb. The layout wants so much to be centered, it aches like a broken molar. I guess everyone at overture films is cross-eyed.

Just add water
The graphic is sort of interesting. The headline confuses me. Is “add” really a subordinate? In a three-word title, can’t we keep them all the same size? Just sayin’. The string of six character names is decent, but the layout is so… myspace top friends. Does anyone else want to see this just to figure out what the hell devito is wearing? “Because a life can grow anywhere?” Nice tagline, idiot-who-probably-makes-more-than-me. There’s less non-literal cheese at a Packer playoff game than is printed on this semi-gloss.

the wackness
The movie, set in 1994, is about a drug dealer who falls in love with the daughter of his pothead therapist. As far as I’m concerned, this poster is brilliant. Define the decade of a film better. I dare you. Graffiti-esque handwriting, worn label, and all on a cassette. C’mon. I’m ignoring the argument that this is too obvious. Because it is, but it’s still classy. This one was narrowly beaten out by the next. Judging purely on poster-related merit which is how ebert does it, I have no idea if the movie will be quality. They have a second poster with all the graffiti-esque-ness and none of the awesome. Really makes me wonder.

the bank job
I caught wind of this one from zfs! and suddenly understood all the longing of alicia silverstone in the crush. if you didn’t follow, this poster is my cary elwes. All the vintage simplicity; the muted colors; statham’s attentive glare; the reflection in the window; the type, bold and centered on the right half—it’s inedibly-delicious. The alignment, typography, and photographic treatment send us back to the seventies by “us,” i mean those old enough to know what the hell “the seventies” means; i’m only working from terrible movies and regrettable fashion trends when things were far better the high oil prices, threats of recession, unpopular war, and weed cancel out because they’re on both sides of the equation; it’s simple algebra than now.

cashing in

Monday, January 28th, 2008

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Bush is going to lay down the awesome tonight in the State of the Union linked: cloud cult’s take on it; sweet song; look it up. He’s going to outline his support of an economic stimulus plan that will bitch-slap all this negative coverage of our dismal finances. I doubt he’ll dwell on the unemployment rate, the working poor, or the Iraq war or he’ll just outright lie about all of the above; he tends to be more comfortable within his skill-set. Those little bits are too depressing and take away from the sweetness of the stimulus.

I could ramble on and on about how the stimulus plan is driven almost entirely by corporate interests and will probably be just as monumentally ineffective as 2001’s attempt at slowing the decline. I could warn that this will likely be a platform for Bush to make his destabilizing corporate-friendly policies permanent. I could outline a lot of reasons why putting cash in the hands of stupid people is akin to flicking the forehead of a charging bull. I could even probably mention a few polite suggestions for improving our economic standings ex: stop handing fucking rich people more fucking money, you dipshits and yadda blah yawn.

All that would distract from the real point of this whole thing. Free money*. We’re talking a no-string-attached well, maybe there are some, but fine print is for nerds bundle of up to $600. I’m practically sitting in a puddle of anticipation-induced sweat. Those six hundred bones could be in my palm as early as May see: October if it’s approved smoothly haha.

I’m already formulating a spending strategy, or at least thinking of the possibilities. I could buy an entire set of snowboard gear off-season. I could quadruple my literary library see: books my aunt gave me I haven’t had a chance to read yet. I could buy between thirty and fifty DVDs. If I filled out the forms right, I could be in the possession of an indonesian infant. I could fix the squeak in my suspension. I could pay one month’s rent. So many options.

I can tell you for positive what I won’t be buying with my new-found quasi-wealth. This DVD. I know, I know. I’m one of seven people who has seen all of her films to date except the made-for-tv, “jessica,” where she played jessica sampson; i mean… wow. I have a thing for Jessicas alba, biel, rabbit. I should be the only person pre-ordering this on Amazon, but I’m taken aback by one thing: it only made $1190 in Texas not saying I won’t see it, just won’t pay.

Texas. If there were ever a more nativist, inbred, idiotic state, it was geographically eaten by Texas before they created maps. It’s almost incomprehensible that a movie, staring a native, was released within it’s well-guarded borders and didn’t even make two grand that’s less than 150 people, depending on per-show cost.

Better ways to spend my ill-advised government handout?
One month as a scientologist.
A new power antennae for my car.
1/250th of an armored humvee.
Two ferrets.
A flat-screen television anything japanese.
1/6th of a flight to New Zealand.
400 euros.

Another option is to not spend it. I could put it into savings and use it later for something more responsible like a flight to vegas. Or, considering the overall thought behind the stimulus, I could pack it into a small metal container, spray it with lighter fluid and light a fire with it. If you are not on a fixed income, don’t have crushing credit debt, aren’t paying monthly dues on student loans, don’t have a house, can pay your rent, don’t travel, have a job, fit into the small fraction of financially secure americans or aren’t an idiot, what are you going to spend your pathetic stimulus money on?

* By “free money,” I mean: putting money into the unemployed fingers of American “smart shoppers” who saved negative dollars last year so they can buy cool gadgets from those that un-employed them.

american gangster

Monday, January 28th, 2008

frank lucas’ mentor passes away in front of him. Harlem erupts in a power struggle to fill the void he leaves. Lucas sees the conflicts, realizes where the real power lies, and takes advantage. Sideswiping the power structure of typical drug trade, he sets up his own where he controls the import, cutting, and distribution of heroin on his own. His product is better and cheaper than his competitors, so he rises quickly and catches the attention of an honest detective, Richie Roberts.

Richie works for a special unit in charge of narcotics. He is notorious for finding a large sum of untraceable money and turning it in. He surrounds himself with equally honest men and sets out to rid New York of the drug-running scum. When he begins investigating Lucas, he unravels an intricate web of greed, deception, and corruption. The story follows the rise of Lucas as a drug lord and the determination of Roberts in bringing him to account.

The direction is smart. The timeline is clearly defined with wardrobe, style, and color choices. The setting is detailed and probably close to correct. He depicts Roberts’ tepidity and Lucas’ boldness with equal strength. The sequences don’t stretch unnecessarily and the action is intense. The story emphasized the racial struggle and the business model of Lucas more than his brutality. The plot was intricate, but Scott didn’t overemphasize uninteresting pieces. The story goes through the decades at a reasonable pace, which makes the ending and character interaction stronger. Scott had a good scope of where he was going.

The cast is stacked. There are a couple hip-hoppers-turned-actors and a few bit parts, but Crowe (gladiator, beautiful mind) and Washington (philadelphia, inside man) were impressive (surprised?). I couldn’t tell how close to reality either was, but they both performed with intensity. Their characters were difficult, both having many sides, but they played them easily and they didn’t come off as forced.

Latent racial tensions and bold assumptions saturate the story. Lucas benefits from a disbelief in a black man’s ability to create a vertically integrated structure of power. He is underestimated. He is violent, but believes at his core that he is a business man with a high-demand product. He keeps himself out of the limelight, so Roberts originally passes him up. Underneath the violent gangster film, this one had something goodfellas lacked. Lucas, through unconventional means, achieved the american dream. He became extraordinarily wealthy after starting out with nothing.

It’s a good movie. It’s overrated in a lot of ways, but the subtle racial undertones, strong based-in-truth story and impressive performances make it one of the top ten movies of the year. It’s long. Two hours and forty minutes is tough to fit into a schedule, but if you put your expectations in check, you’ll likely enjoy it.

****

lars and the real girl

Monday, January 28th, 2008

Lars (Ryan Gosling—half nelson, the believer) is an introverted twenty-something in search of love. Unfortunately, his social contact is forced, awkward, and sometimes painful. After his fathers’ death, the family home was left to him and his brother, but he lives somewhat content in the garage. He denies invitations to dinner from his sister-in-law more often than not. The townspeople seem to adore him in spite of his odd nature.

But when a new girl begins working at his office, singing in the church choir, and making advances toward him, he takes a turn. He orders a full-size sex doll from the internet and brings her around with him. There’s an elaborate story behind her introduction. The townspeople are stunned, but eventually accept her. The story continues as Lars comes to terms with his past and takes steps toward a relatively normal life.

To his credit, Gosling is in top form. His character is dichotomous and distant, but the internal struggle is painted on his face. He does an incredible job translating the emotions and fears of Lars. That said, this film seemed inadequately paced. The second act seemed stretched and bloated. They play too often on the premise and the townspeople almost come off as malicious. They exploit Bionca (the name for the doll) and seem to be mocking Lars in their acceptance of her. With all the half-hearted jokes at the doll’s expense and the odd interplay of anthropomorphism, this one is a less twisted mix of may and guess who.

I liked it. I can understand why they stretched it so far. Lars’ transition was impressive and the many, many jokes were filler until he sorted his own self out. They were comedic relief during his arduous journey. Still, it seemed a test of how often they could reference it before I couldn’t forgive them for it. They came in just under the line, so all is forgotten. It’s a lovable movie and doesn’t stab at you with annoying spoon-fed plot twists. It’s relatively realistic and, by consequence, predictable, but as I look at it as a whole, there’s no way to avoid that.

Any awkward twist would have been absurd and an erratic ending would have fit the film like spandex fits a sumo wrestler. It’s simplicity is a strength, but Gosling made the movie. There may be other actors that could have played Lars, but Gosling made him his own. This would be best watched on a lazy evening with little on your mind.

****

corrosion

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

The minivan in front of me finally pulls off to the third garage from the left. The sedan that was there when I first pulled up is still in the second stall. The break lights flash on the car in the first stall. It pulls forward and a man, slightly younger than me, in a blue jumpsuit presses a button to the left side of the door. It rolls on its track and comes off the ground until it’s a few feet over the man’s head. He gestures his arm, beckoning me forward, and directs me to line my tires with the markings.

Once I’m in, he puts his palm up and I stop, placing the car in park. I keep the engine running, reach down to the left, near the floor, and pull the hood release. There’s no resistance. The toggle swings back and forth. I didn’t feel the typical tug and tell Jumpsuit that I don’t think it’s released. He tries to pull up on the front of the hood. Maybe there’s dirt encrusted in the latch, or water along the edge creating suction.

The hood won’t budge. He bumps along the edge, trying to determine if something’s stuck or loose. A second after he drops to the concrete to inspect from the bottom, a larger man in a button-down and pants of the same color comes toward us from the right. He’s taller than I, by at least a foot. He must weigh just over two hundred pounds. He wipes his hands on a stained towel. He has a familiar face.

He asks how things are going, looking at me oddly. I mention how my release cable is likely broken. Jumpsuit gets back up from the floor and rubs his hands against the sides of his jumpsuit, wiping the sand of his palms. He tries again to bump along the edge of the hood. I turn back to the bigger man, see the name stitched into his suit, and realize, obviously after he had, what the familiarity was.

Mike had been one of those many friends that I’d had in grade school and lost during high school. There had been far more that disappeared between high school and college just as there were many that faded away after that. It’s how things go. I hadn’t talked to him in at least eight years. He stood there, maybe noticing my recognition, maybe not, and watched Jumpsuit try to get to my engine.

I used to spend a lot of time with Mike during school, but our friendship lagged outside of its walls. I remember recesses where we’d play tag in third grade, race through imagined obstacle courses in forth, and then test how high we could swing in fifth. We were on different teams in a bowling league during middle school. I’m sure we talked about important events of the day. Events I can’t remember now.

I looked up at him not sure if I should remark on how long it’s been. Ask him how things have been. Tell him how college was, how my job’s going, where I’m living and other things he’d never care about. The small talk would be tiresome and he’d go back home able to say that he’d seen me, randomly, today. No one else would care. I hadn’t talked to him when we shared a building for eight hours each day. Why talk to him now, when we didn’t even share a state.

I wonder why he works at the quick oil change shop in town. I wonder if he’s got a kid, like so many of our classmates already. I wonder if he still spends his time drinking with the same friends he did ten years ago. He’s thicker than he was. I wonder if he has a house in town. I wonder if he’s still living at his parents’. I wonder a lot of things, but don’t bother asking.

Jumpsuit explains he’d have to get in, track the cable, and replace it, none of which he had time or resources for now. He says that once I get where I’m going I should have a mechanic fix it up and get the oil changed there. I briefly remember that I’m a thousand miles over the recommended already, with four hundred to put on today, but the awkwardness makes me turn and get back into the car. I shut the door behind me and look up at Mike.

The recognition I thought was there had faded. My hair is much different than it was and I’ve obviously aged. Maybe he didn’t remember me. Maybe his recognition was a reflection of mine. I don’t remember any specific activities we shared. We weren’t close. We didn’t share too many interests and the superficial friendship disintegrated easily. He’s one of many people with familiar faces and forgotten stories.

Like the cable between the toggle at my feet and the latch of my hood, the connection is broken. It was strained with lack of use. It grew brittle with changing environments. It’s corroded and fragile, but, unlike the release cable, there’s no motivation to fix it.