thoughts on food: popcorn
I’ve mentioned the oddity that is candy corn. Corn itself, the kerneled bits of yellow possible-ethanol, disgusts me but it’s easy to swallow like so many pills, so it was one of my favorites growing up. Popcorn is a whole ’nother animal. I don’t really understand the stuff, but have little interest in how it’s made, why it pops, or any such things. What concerns me, is why I insist on eating it.
There’s a lot going against it. The sharp, dangerously thin bits of kernel that are left after whatever it is inside explodes into white, starchy, tastelessness always get stuck in my teeth. I don’t particularly like nutrition-free edibles doused generously in salt. Butter and I have a strained relationship premature heart disease is almost penciled on my google calendar, but the ick-based substance that takes the place of butter on mass-produced popcorn can go straight to hell.
There are two types I enjoy stuffing into my maw: cheesy and kennel. I’ve been known especially recently to dabble with the caramel. Kennel has a little sweetness to it, and even a rich flavor if it’s done right. Cheesy is… well. Cheesy. The odd crevices that are created through the heat-induced burst are ideal for holding the powdered near-cheese.
I don’t know why I said “enjoy” just then. I don’t go out of my way to eat the stuff. I even pass on it when it’s within reach on most occasions. I gulp down the free offerings at Sally’s because I’m usually waiting impatiently for a discount burger or trying to hold of inebriation. But yesterday and today I painfully worked my way through bowls of the stuff. I regret it, but it happened, so what am I to do?
I haven’t brought lunch trying to save the bread for after I return from the holiday festivities; don’t want that $1.25 loaf to go stale on me and don’t feel like spending money because I’ve done enough of that this month to be sure; fucking consumerists so I’m left scavenging. I ate two bowls of caramel corn yesterday and took no joy from it. At 9.15a today I was already digesting half a bowl of cheesy corn. It’s a sad state of affairs. On the brighter side, tomorrow and Thursday this guy’s being treated to midday grub.
As a reward for making it this far in such an absurdly lame it’s the holiday season, what can I say? I’ve checked out; post, here’s how to destroy society as told and illustrated by Scott Meyer and a commentary on clowns from C-dog over at zombie fights shark. Enjoy.