cube comedy
I’ve never really been much for random office gab. I don’t care to be honest. but sometimes it’s funny. some details were brought to my attention by an cube-friend that make an email I received almost unbearably hilarious. you may not think it’s funny. that’s your concern I barely have enough concern for myself. but let me describe the scenario:
she I.M.s with this:
holy eff. when [cubeguy] talks baby talk to his girlfriend when she’s being a $&(#&$ I want to smack the @&#! out of him …
[My response, along the lines of, “Huh?”]
he calls her today because he won preseason wilds tickets. he wants his brother to go. she wants to go. he talks to her in baby talk and tells her he really wanted his bro to go. she apparently throws a fit because he gives in and tells her she can go then
so you may notice that he’s a gigantic gaping vagina of a man. I noticed that too. good observation. he has lost all remnants of independence in favor of submission to what appears to be a whiny box. I know, i’m happy for him too, but save your congratulations for me. who’s side are you on anyway?
the story doesn’t end there I’m afraid. approximately one hour later, this thirty-word chunk of digimail drops innocently into my inbox:
I just found out that I will not be able to make it to the Wild Game tonight, so If anyone would like 2 tix come and see me before 5:00.[cubeguy]
A few questions come up. What did he find out that changed the plan? Will his box be disappointed she’s not going? Was it box that decided for him that he couldn’t go? Does he remember what it was like to make decisions? Was his mother overbearing? Before this, was there a possibility I’d have respect for him? Does baby talk usually work? Or even ever work? Does his brother still love him?
But that’s the beauty of the office. no one actually cares. it’s all superficial gravy. neatly divided by aluminum and felt, meaningful relationships need not apply.