Archive for March, 2007

just a fucking douchebag

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

Let’s say I’m dubya. I used to have it sweet. Everything I said was gravy. While I’m a little foggy on details, I’m still the decider and not an emboldener. I regularly chat with the Man Upstairs so I know things are in order. But something’s gone amiss. I’ve lost all credibility. Most people around me are under investigation. I’m a war criminal. My vice prez is soulless. I’m running out of fall guys. Less than a third of the population thinks I’m able to do my job. I’m not on the campaign trail because I’m the political equivalent to bubonic plague.

But, even though you’d think I’d take some time and evaluate why I suck more than Jenna Jameson in a gang-bang, I stick firm to my ridiculous beliefs. At this point I’m more concerned with coining a catch phrase than being regarded as the worst president/emperor to ever walk the earth and yes FDR is in the ranking even if he technically rolled. He was just a much better leader… wait… too soon?. I’ll spit out whatever my handlers give me. “At the pleasure of the president”, “embolden the enemy”, and, my new favorite, “precedent.”

There was a precedent for my prosecutor purge. My handing over of thousands of emails was unprecedented. My chief aides don’t have to testify because it would break precedent.

All well and good dub, but you’re missing a few things. You’ve just fired almost as many as in the last twenty-five years combined. You handed over all the documents except the ones that anyone gives a shit about. And all your neocon brethren threw up “unconstitutional” arguments on whether aides should testify or not when Clinton got his knob slobbed.

And what if the vote is for a budget that forces a withdrawal by March? Or your executive privilege is ignored and your aides are obligated to testify under oath and in public? Or Gonzalez is seen as the troll he is? Or Snow just up and has a lie-induced aneurysm? A temper tantrum? A slow heavy sob?

You have nothing. You are nothing. We have what appears to be the check and balances system that was set up by the formulators of the company you now rule so ineptly. You’ll have to adjust to a crumbling base because even the most devout are starting to read the other parts of that book that you haven’t twisted for your own benefit. Even those most loyal to you with the obvious exception of faux news who are too busy licking the sweat from your balls to realize what’s going on beyond their studio are starting to turn because they’re realizing your political stances are based only in your own agenda and have very little connection with reality.

If I wasn’t so annoyed with the damn election campaigns starting already, I’d be counting the time until your deceiving, country-hating, ignorant ass was officially out of office 670 days as of posting. Oh. And fuck you.

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fast food nation

Monday, March 19th, 2007

After walking down the new releases for a good half hour I realized there was a flick i wanted to see. I had read the book and wanted to see how they adapted it to a film so I picked up this one. Kinnear is usually decent enough and could have canceled out Valderrama. I say could have because this one fell short in a way that wasn’t even seventies show related.

To start I’ll say it wasn’t all bad. I mean there were a lot of parts that hit home when it comes to exposing the disgusting business that is providing low-cost obesity. It has all the stomach-turning awesomeness you’d expect. The acting is pretty decent throughout and it’s a star-studded affair [[ even though they aren't exactly top shelf, they can still pull some weight ]]. It follows a couple storylines adequately. It’s saturated with facts and thought provoking. And it definitely had an anti-fast-food reaction.

It starts off well enough, following a group of illegal immigrants [[ the folk that get big-business salivating ]] and a migraine-inducingly ignorant marketing executive. The stories are compelling, but hard to get into because there is so much effort put into placing as many different stereotypical personalities in each as one hundred and sixteen minutes will allow. The cast of characters expands to its limits and then by the end comes back to the same four that seemed like protagonists in the beginning. They always remain secondary and tertiary, but the details they add become distracting.

The dialog is borderline-laughable at points. Even giving them the benefit of the doubt here because the book is dense. It’s heavy on facts and information that would be almost impossible to translate to film. The problem is they try so hard that it becomes cluttered and unrealistic. It plays out like the big-pharm commercials where the generic actors in lab coats wander through a campus discussing disjointed side-effects and miracle advances. There’s no realism and because of that it loses credibility.

I enjoyed the movie because there are bits and pieces of the exposé that this could have been. These things are actually going on and they’ve been documented. People that these characters are based on still work in the industry. The spinach and peanut butter scares of recent months prove this. It will only get worse as testing becomes more reliant on big-meat and less frequent. This movie uses stereotypical, over-the-top characters to try and represent these problems with the industry and by doing this strips them of believability.

I’m giving this the credit it deserves for taking a difficult adaptation and running with it, but I’m disappointed with what it could have been if they could have seen a simplistic, four plot, detailed, docu-drama as the better route.

***

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st. pat’s ’07

Sunday, March 18th, 2007

Twas the third anniversary of the big night and a night for celebration as my car insurance is now at a reasonable bank. I have to admit i was a bit tweaked, thinking I’d get too into the festivities. Things unfolded swimmingly though. Twas cake.

The day started off right, with an experiment. The Lake Inn claims to have the best burgers in town and we figured we’d put their sign to the test. The place is sweet. The burger is not the best in town, but it’s pretty dece anyway. And it’s not a specialty burger like the lucy. We chilled there for a couple pitchers watching some NCAA.

We hit the drink store and a couple ATMs in preparation and then were back at the lakehouse watching games on tv drinking primos or blatz with Dropkick Murphy jamming through the speakers. JB arrived with Fred around six and we stuck around the house until about seven-thirty. From there it was loading into cars and parking by the Cardinal. As i took an open spot the car next to me in the oncoming lane rolled down his window and i did the same. The exchange was an odd one…

“That’s my house.” Says the guy.
“But it’s an open spot. So I took it.” I says back.
“I just left two minutes ago. That’s my house.”
“How am I supposed to know you just left. It was open.” And from my right; “It’s an open place on a public road. It doesn’t matter where your house is.”* Chimes G.
The guy gets all tweaked and huffed and replies, “If you can’t appreciate the irony here, you just go ahead and park there. Park wherever you want.” He then lays track immediate-like as muffled laughs spark up in the back seat.
So after he’s out of sight and the pack from the other car come around my front-end I can’t help but say “I should have asked him if it rained on his wedding day.”

I comes to find later he had his blinker on, but the fact remains that he was on the wrong side of the street with no place to actually turn around into the spot and hadn’t even come to a stop before i was parked. So fuck that guy.

The rail was pretty uneventful and we hit the streets of downtown toward Bootleggers. JB provided free drink tickets, but we had about a half hour before they kicked in. or at least that’s what we thought. One of the tenders upstairs was already serving the freebies to G. the beer tasted much like the die i had to ingest for my CT scans. It was pretty much disgusting shit, but i still had about three glasses.

We laid claim to a few sofas and watched the Minnesota hockey and NCAA games while drinking pretty heavily. We tore through two different plastic leprechaun hats in about a half hour. The destruction was a theme throughout the eve. I grabbed up a choch necklace that somehow stayed with me until i cashed. The group ended up with a syncronized stomp at one point and Dropkick Murphy’s shipping up to Boston was heard twice. Covi even started talking to a girl from somewheres somehow. It was pretty saturated with choch, but not a bad time. We stuck around until almost ten to get as many of those shitty green beers as possible.

From there it was the Imperial I’m still hard-pressed to think of a reason why and that was basically just one beer and some walking in circles before we hit the rail again. This time headed to cedar/riverside for Triple Rock. On the way in i saw Kevin from 2 Men and had a pretty good convers with him for awhile. Talking of 2 Men politics and happenings while he drained a cancer. His buddy was a riot, inviting me to a recording session and such things. He also offered up his members only jacket as i was wearing mine if i were to show. I walked back in and met up with the boys with Covi bringing an old style from his coat somewhere. Twas magic. The band wasn’t on and we were just standing around when JB and some others met up. We soon were center-front when the band came back on. Somehow we started kicking and smashing a couple shot glasses that were filled with glow-in-the-dark goo. It pretty much ended up everywhere.

We were there for quite awhile, but then my night sort of chilled. I started to get caught up in the douchebags that filled the bar. The boys were starting to get crazy drunk and it was pretty hilarious, but not enough to pick me back out. We headed toward the rail and got on at Franklin ave after joking with some folk that were already waiting there who had been kicked out of cabooze because the chick went into the men’s pisser. Or at least i thought we did. Turns out G and Fish were headed back to find Fish’s cell. The set that made it back to the cardinal JB, Sam, blond girl, Covi, and I shared a brew. Well some did, JB and I were outside on the phone he was figuring out the situation with the AWOL cell and i was getting permission to use G’s car on a run to B.King.

The King was good to us and we headed back to the lakehouse to grub. I was gearing up to head back up and pick G and Fish up, but when we got to the house Kwapik’s Jeep pulled in and we were all good. Well Fish was out a cell, but the group was in one place. I come to find out the guy had picked up the cell and said he would meet at Hard Times Sunday at one to exchange. But he also mentioned he rode a bike and was bald. So Fish wasn’t optimistic.

Today i went with him to pick up his phone, but besides an awesome breakfast it was a no-go. So we hit the Sprint store to figure options and he suspended his phone. He’s now using Butz’s until the beginning of May when his plan comes due.

All in all it was a good night despite a few set backs and i was in a better mood than last year. I had a pretty awesome night and only needed a few texts to my favorite to recover from the slight dip in mood. Cheers for another one in the bag and a few extra bones in me pocket.

* Quotes approximate.

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03.09- 03.16

Friday, March 16th, 2007

… just wanted to update on how things are as I’ve took to leaving that sort of drib out.

The weekend was swank. D was up and it was pretty low-key. Took some time up in seven corners for some brews Friday. Dece time all around and the boys even showed up before the night was out. Making a late entrance coming in just under the wire for grub. Ducked out and cashed at a reasonable time.

Saturday was quasi-worthless, but we did manage to muster up the watts to get to Apple Valley for the bank and to pick up ticks for 300. Grilled some brats per G. D and covi and I made tracks to the IMAX before Fish and Hair to see if ticks were still available. No dice. Idled in line for an hour behind some choches and boxes of high-school age. One kid was a real pile of douchebag. Listening to them may have sparked the beginnings of an aneurism, but I can’t be sure. The flick was sweet. Story was weak, but more fun to watch than most I’ve peeped and no it wasn’t just the tots and ultra-violence.

Sunday was more active, but not by much. Strolled campus, snagged a book, wandered the Dillan exhibit, and topped it with a rent from Buster in a related story hollywoodland is pretty rex.

Digging the new work sitch. The contract job has me downtown working interweb related deals. Nice loke off the rail so me driving is down to about two miles daily. The folk are different, but I should have that all sorted soon enough. The heavy load the first couple weeks had me tweaked, but it’s slowed since. Tis cake.

Got to take a walk down to the Convention Center Monday for some photogs. Nice little stroll. Then I came home to my room all sorted per D. Adorable. Finished up M and finally cashed abouts half of one. Didn’t do much for anything Tuesday. Everyone was working on the annual meeting and aside from some money screengrabs I didn’t have much to work on. Wednesday was much the same and even ducked out early. Butz relayed Galifianakis coming to town next weekend. Twould have liked to chill at the lakehouse but for Fish throwing out a trip to the House. Can never turn that down. Unfortunately they only dropped Josie once, but Josie’s Girl made the cut twice.

Thurs was another slow day. Spent most my morning generating thumbnails of numbered photos so referencing will be easier later. Gravy. Busy work. Clocked out at noon-fifteen for a two-hour lunch/library break. Jimmy John’s is solid. The library is rank but I’ve never heard anyone so impressed by a deuce before pretty sure his words were on a scale of shits that’s an eleven. Walked down to the convention center and watched all the majesty that is an annual meeting. Pretty ray, but not as bad as I was expecting. The reception after was money though. Little hors d’oeuvres and what nots; mini-calzones, ham and cheese biscuits, free drinks and the chocolate cake was just wicked. Walked down into Loring and got a lift to the cura per SN out of double M’s marketing department. Was going to lay low and watch a flick and get winks early, but G mentioned the legends immediate-like upon my arrival. Cheap wings and beers and games; twas a good time. Even today I made me way down to the convention center again that makes visits this week: three; visits all weeks previous: zero.

But now I’m working with a few different piles of exhausted. Need to find out if this temp will turn into an occ so I can work out plans for August and get that sorted. Need to do next-to nothing this eve to gear up for the long night Saturday and the show Sunday. Should be solid. And ya’ll should be all clued in.

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neocondemnation

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007

I’m getting bored of it. I’ll keep better track of things than I was but this is getting pathetic. Watching the conservatives go down is Hindenburg-esque, but much much slower and with a much higher death toll. Lately things seem to be heading to a tipping point, or maybe they’ve already passed that point, but it just seems that they’re imploding. And hypocrisy reigns supreme.

Gingrich recently admitted to an affair while attacking Clinton for his intern woes. Dubya is still south of the border the one he wants to wall up trying to drum up support while his budget cuts aid throughout Latin and South America. Cheney defends his stance on leaving Iraq by saying it’d be a “disservice” to the troops to pull out early when sixteen years ago he claimed it “made no sense at all” for the US to commit forces to combat. Libby takes the fall for a deceitful administration that may well pardon him, but even this goes against the practices of the administration thus far. And lets just face it: Coulter’s just batshit crazy.

The administration’s hold on Latin America is faltering and their influence over public opinion continues to wain because of their numerous lies being exposed as the months dredge along. They’re media mouthpiece is losing credibility slowly, and that’s if you can claim they ever had any originally and they are pretty defensive about it. They are so intent on being thought of as real news they’ve stopped reporting on anything relevant in protest. Global warming is gaining momentum despite the administration and friends’ efforts to discredit proponents. In fact, Obama may have more political strength because of his lack of experience because experience now gives the impression of being surrounded by dishonesty and corruption.

The economy seems to be starting to buckle under it’s own weight. The middle class is being methodically erased and the CEO of Wal-mart receives a cool twenty-two million.

While all this is going on the typical Emerkan is too caught up in his or her own fast-paced self-centered lifestyle to take much notice. And even when he or she does, the changes are slow and difficult if they involve having to give away the newest toys. Add to this the population growing exponentially without the resources to support it and the prediction of more frequent environmental catastrophes with climate shift and you have a situation that can get much worse.

What I’m hoping for is some major regime change and someone who can comprehend our shared responsibility as super powers with China and emerging others. The shift in November was decent enough, but more change needs to go down. While the Emerkans don’t have revolution in them unless someone finds a way to mass-text their blackberrys I public opinion might have enough power to influence epic change. I mean shit, we already got Dubya to mention climate change once in his forty-nine minute State of the Union.

Until that happens I’m just going to rail it downtown during the day to make whatever bucks I can and chill where I can. I might as well enjoy things before everything hits the fan methinks.

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300

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007

It’s been awhile since I’ve gone to a film in the theaters. Well I guess relative to my norm it’s been awhile, but for most a couple weeks is hardly “awhile”, but anyway. I waited around for this one because I thought it’d be visually fantastic. As it was based on a comic I doubted highly of it’s historical merit or if the story would be heavily involved, but I did have relatively high expectations. From what I can tell off IMDB [[ linked in this post’s title ]] I’m in the minority.

I agree that the film gave an epic impression of the struggle between three hundred men and a vast Persian empire; that it would illuminate the history of the great Spartans; or just that it would be gory as all hell and make fifteen-year-olds wince. It was all of these. But only the most ignorant clods would go in the theater thinking it would be accurate. The best way of going about it was to walk in with a clear mind and watch a visually spectacular movie. You won’t find poetic dialog, romance, or a clear vision of good over evil [[ we are talking about a people who glorified violence and wore above all else ]]. All you’ll find here is an action flick. And it’s wicked fun.

There are those who believe this is a thinly veiled representation of the current political climate. Even on Colbert last night he mentioned something along those lines. Bush is Leonidas, Xerxes is the Iranian president, and the Spartans are the outnumbered American forces against the [Persian] Muslim throngs. Sure there are similarities, but you have to be borderline socially-retarded in order to go deeper than this. There a few small details that make it less likely. 1] The graphic novel that the film is based was published in 1998; 2] the graphic novel was based on a film from 1962; and 3] these events [[ while nowhere near as dramatically ]] happened centuries ago. Oh, and the Spartans were notorious for their love of man-on-man action; not all that conservative in values. The only relationship between the movie and current militaristic foreign policy is the laughable ability for history to repeat itself.

So the story is a bit lacking. It doesn’t have the depth of Sin city, but that doesn’t seem to be the point here. It’s raw and undeveloped, but very easy to follow. Those who know history already know the basics of how things pan out. The relationships are immature. The acting is dry and unimpressive. With that said, this is how Troy should have been. The material is based on legend. Legends are exaggerated and fantastic [[ see Paul Bunyan ]] so it’s to be expected.

The visuals only add to this immersion in a fantasy world. The imagery is incredible. The effects used are at first distracting, but as the film develops they become less intrusive. It creates a larger-than-life setting where these characters [[ we never really relate to ]] can interact. The slow-action is used too much, but it’s still effective in emphasizing aspects of battles. Some sequences are pieced together between fades to black similar to a montage. Creatures are created that live up to the legend.

It’s a good film and I thoroughly enjoyed it, but i wouldn’t recommend it to someone who detests gore, laughs like a five-year-old at breasts, or even someone who wants join up the military to kill some folk, because the point will be completely lost. It’s a visual masterpiece, but the directing [[ meaning specifically the angles and what nots ]] is weak. There are plots that emerge during the film no matter how lame the story is: sacrifice for the many over the self, feminine strength, defiance instead of submission, and other such things. I’ll have to downplay all that because the makers of the film did it for me. Instead I recommend it for those that just want a visual ride. It’s worth seeing in the theater, but I’d recommend a matinée or second run because it won’t be for everyone.

****

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