so i’ve avoided mentioning the moves pretty well. i realize the stories are shitty to anyone who hasn’t moved someone else’s furniture for money. but today i got called in early and worked 3 moves. first was a cake suburbanite move with no tip. second was odd and ended up riding a trailer around the house with a baby grand strapped to it. annoying because it was an entire rearrange of a house but not really that bad. did the whole damn thing in about and hour and a half. pretty damn good.
third move is where shit hit the fan. and the main reason for this fucking post. i’m not going to refer to him by name even though that fuckwad won’t read this or probably give a shit either way, but douchebag really made the day spectacular. we had been warned. we were prepared. we even talked him up as a fucking asshole before meeting him. he surpassed expectation.
Ax, Gary and i get there and he starts with the walk-through. a few things are in the garage that he doesnt seem to care about and then four dining room chairs that were likely bought a month prior at Hom. the table associated with the chair was apparently very special to the family. a big ass armoire was in the living room that had been scratched by the previous movers. almost a visible scratch too. he kept showing us important items as he went through the house. none of these items were as expensive as he wanted them to look.
the move was absolutely amazing. no damage. incredibly careful. great pack. almost half of the pads used on a third of a truck. WAY overkill. still watched us the whole fucking time like we were tossing the furniture between us or hitting it with hammers on the way out of the house. at this point i’m sort of pissed.
the drive was decent because it was out to woodbury and we hit a little traffic. we milked the hours because douchebag was such a fuck. (a note to all those who want efficient moving: don’t be a fuck) and got there while he was sweeping his front walk. no fucking kidding. just a sign of the shit to come.
he stops us before going in for a pep talk about what’s important to him. first are the wood floors. no shit. like we’re going to stick jagged stones in our shoes and drag the furniture along his kitchen floor. then the carpets that he’s mentioned about a dozen times by now having been cleaned recently. can’t walk on them. can’t put furniture on them. can’t fucking move furniture without being on the fucking carpets.
he’s watching us like a hawk. he’s following us around. he’s a fucking douchebag. there’s treacherous paper at the top of the stairs and all over the fucking house to cover the carpet, or at least the parts not already covered by plastic or blankets. the move goes relatively quickly considering our ridiculous attention to detail and care getting the shit in the house. before realizing the window was open i basically yelled in the truck to Ax if he had a sawed-off with deer pellets to shoot my head off in fuckhead’s living room to tweak his carpet. ooops.
fast-forward to the end of the night. he’s gets the paperwork from Ax and says, no really he says this, “Gary and Ryan i just need to ask before we finish up if you caused or noticed any damage to any furniture or floors or walls.” what a fucking idiot.
then we’re chilling after the truck is solid and he tells us we “were pretty careful” with his furniture and did a great job. holy fuck. if there would have been a way to telekinetically rupture his spleen Chris Simms style i would have right there. then he hands us the MONSTER tip of $20. thanks shithead. i enjoy being tipped, but $100 wouldnt have compensated for his condescension and overall treatment of myself and the other guys.
i’d also like to mention the $10,000 painting from montana that was padded up between a frame of 2X4s and a layer of cardboard because he had to move it onto the truck himself because he couldn’t trust us with something that would have survived a drop off the back off the truck and a 4 mile drag behind it.
where is it written that someone of middle- to upper-middle class has to buy quasi-expensive-one-notch-above-IKEA furniture and protect it like it’s irreplaceable redwood planks strapped together with panda hair and the glue of past Kentucky Derby winners? it’s a move. you’re putting furniture in positions it’s never meant to be in and through corridors that aren’t built for them to fit through. shit’s going to get scratched and walls will get dinged. you must chill! (little Cusack reference for you kids)
stop treating me like a bitch-for-hire just because you’re spending an hourly rate because you’re either too lazy or don’t have enough friends to move the shit yourself. if you have money to pay 3 guys to move your shit from one house to another you have money for sandpaper and a wood pencil to fix a scrape on the bottom of your armoire that will be covered by carpet and seen by NO ONE. or just report the damage within the 4 days we give you. that’s why we are insured. stop being a fucking jackass.
that got long. apologies. but fuck that guy.